Wingless
by mypinkfairy
Summary: Edward and Bella were living their lives madly in love with each other, until one night when their lives turned upside down. Edward met the truth. Read on to see how far can one go for love. Strictly Rated M for strong adult content.
1. Preface

**WINGLESS**

_by: mypinkfairy_

* * *

PREFACE

* * *

There were lots of things that happen in our lives that we almost don't understand why it happen. Sometimes due to the complexity of things we find ourselves pointing the blame to someone else just for us to be able to escape the consequences and the hurt. But the truth is, though there could be something we could do to avoid things from happening, there was nothing we can do to prevent it, if that is what is suppose to happen.

This is a story of Edward and Bella, how they made their love stretched as far as it could go. But really, how far does love can go? Read all about it.

All the characters used in this story was solely propriety of Stephenie Meyer, and though this is not your vampire story, all of them—the Vamps and even the Weres plus the Humans that marched along the story was created by her for Twilight, and I won't even claim Edward's car and his eyes; but his hair, I claim along with the settings, the places and the story.

Normally, I would urge you to take time to read and a heart to review, but after writing four stories I knew better than to plead for reviews. So, warning, read at your own risk, review at your own desire.

This is rated M, for theme and language. So not suitable for young readers.

I owe part of my sanity to writing having nothing to do but stare in the ceiling most of the time, but I know putting the stories I made up online for everyone to read I am putting my head in line with the chopping board and my new found sanity along with it, but this is my passion...at least for the moment, so as difficult as it may sound, I will try and not get hurt if you bash on my story.

I love you all and am so grateful to all of you who have followed me since RAIN, this story is for all of you.


	2. Prologue

PROLOGUE

* * *

The tug of the haze of sleep was pulling me and there's no way I could resist it, but it seems I could not fully close my eyes. There was a deafening sound ringing in my ears, like a bell seething inside, splitting my eardrums, but it was a distant sound. Huh, that's odd. There was nothing I could see that could possibly be where the sound would have come.

I heard myself groan, though there was not really a sound that came out, sort of muffled and inside my throat. There was a nagging urge to take a deep breath playing behind my head but I can't seem to carry it out.

Bubbles came flying out in front me, and I almost gasped loudly when I saw my hands flailing beside me. Realizing what the heaviness I was feeling was all about, I jerked and tried to steady myself. I am underwater! My head screamed in panic. Why am I under water?

I could not find the answer in my question, I can't even remember going for a swim. There was an enormous swelling I am feeling at the back of my throat and I know any minute I will be opening my mouth to take a breath.

And then I did, but of course instead of air coming inside my mouth, there was nothing, and like a reflex, instead of gulping the whole alien body of water huge bubbles came out of my mouth and my nose expelling the almost depleted air in my lungs.

I am going to die! I am going to die! I tried paddling my hand up and down in a circle feeling myself turn my body side to side trying to find the way up of the water. The tip of my hair kept on brushing my forehead, the warm water feels smooth on my skin. I could not see anything, or if I could, there were only shadows. Shadows! There are shadows inside the water. The grayness of water was hiding something, something I could not fully see. But I could feel it, I could feel them. I could almost feel the intense stare all around me. Sharks! Are those sharks? Oh my God, I am going to be a fish food. No!

Amid my absolute panic, my hands kept on paddling, my legs struggling to free from the almost obvious grasp of the water. I can't die here, I won't die now, not here! Bubbles after bubbles of air escaped my lungs. My throat hurts like hell, it was dry yet stingy inside...I could feel weakness starting to slow me down. Am I even moving? It seemed I have not, just pivoting in the same place, and the shadows the feel of the shadows are closing in, closing in that I could almost hear sighs and laughter. Yes, that's laughter, a very soft laugh of something, or someone. But who could possibly laugh and be heard under water?

This is odd, I need to get out of here.

I was ready to turn around, pivoting with my hands fighting the current that was seemingly getting stronger by the minute, my back burns painfully, and could feel my lungs aching, so intense that it might already be bleeding. My eyes felt heavy, my arms felt weak, I don't think I can do this anymore.

Just then, a soft something brushed my face. My eyes that I didn't even realized I have wearily closed fluttered, confused of what could have brushed my face so light and soft it almost tickled me. Seeing nothing but the blur of under, I let the water drift me. I was so tired, I am tired of fighting. Maybe it's better if I don't fight and just go on with the flow. It will be easier.

"Edward...No."

My head jerked, but I can't seem to tug myself away from the inviting pull of the foggy water. I feel like I am floating, so light, so easy. This is more like it, no more struggles.

"Edward..."

There is the voice again. Huh, I thought I was just imagining things. But where could that voice be coming? Slowly, like a slow motion sequence in a movie, I felt my hand ran and cut to the thickness of the water instinctively brushing the tickling softness in my face, it could have been my hair again, I thought, and I noted to have a hair cut soon...that is if I am going to get away from this. But as I moved my hand, blinded by my heavy lidded eyes, I felt the softness ran and coiled in my forearm. It's definitely hair...but...it's long because if its not, why did it curled in my arms?

Confusion and alarm urged me to open my eyes, and though there was nothing around me but the stillness of gray and the unfathomable power and mystery hiding in the murky water, I knew there was something or most definitely someone there beside me...I heard its voice again, calling me, softly...but it was in my mind, crawling like a fog in my limping brain.

What's happening to me? No matter how I try to keep my eyes open, it has a mind of its own, like it was being caress by soft hands it finally wanted to give on to sleep. And then something white and flowing and soft looking came into my view, like it was being blown by soft wind. I struggled to turn my eyes to my right to find where it was all coming from, but my eyes finally shut, tugging me to like an eternal flying,or floating,I don't know, I am not sure what was going on. But one thing I do remember...there was a hand clasping my arm, pulling me up...to safety.

And then I could breathe freely. I think I died.

* * *

_* For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	3. Chapter 1 Whiff of Warm Air

**CHAPTER 1 - Whiff of Warm Air  
**

* * *

Firefox...click.

There was a faint sound of snicker.

"Www dot you and me dot blogspot dot com." I softly muttered following the letters I was tapping on the battered keyboard of my cherished laptop.

My fingers drummed silently on the wooden table, not in any sign of impatience but in sure excitement and delight. I am sitting outside, the wind was whistling, crisp and comfy to the skin. It was in an ungodly hour of three in the afternoon, when almost everyone feels gloomy, weak and just plain contemplating to cut classes and go home, take a nap. But not me. Well I am here am I not, in the middle of the school field, basically not really in the middle, but in the sides. Outside my centuries old Alma mater, surrounded with moss inflicted bricked walls was a huge yard, an ocean of foliage where every student could just lie and bathe with the cancer damaging rays of the sun, or just like what I am doing, sit in one of the dozens of table formed along the side of the lawn in a semi circular manner, with the canopy of the Jurassic old trees hindering the sun rays with numerous stone carved saints and angels looking down. It feels solemn and safe where I sit like someone celestial is watching.

This place is a haven for lovers, bookworms, sentimental people, and even for just a plain student like me just using his free time to...

"Ah-uh."

A soft voice came out from the speakers of my gray laptop as the website I was trying to access pops out, finally.

My journey with an angel, the heading read. My eyes fluttered in fervor followed with my lips pursing as if in total sequence. I could not control my overwhelming emotions, I clicked on the button that reads new post and a new blank page came out, but not before another soft voice snickering sounded from my computer.

Smiling to myself, I muttered with a sigh, "Bella", shaking my head lightly. The voices coming out of my computer was from Bella, some distant months ago, she and I configured this computer where instead of the usual boring notification sounds, it will instead play her voice saying something, or sometimes laughing...and when I do some really bad moves like deleting something, it makes my computer...moan, yes moan. Naughty girl.

"I don't know about you but I think I am in the end of my journey here," I started typing, murmuring the words as my fingers tapped on the all too familiar feel of my soft keyboard with a definite smile, sure of the words that I am going to write in yet another entry on my blog. Yes, I am blogging. I am 26 years old and still hanging up on things like this. Well at least I have abandoned the idea of writing on diaries...only to type it on blogs. Oh what'cha gonna do, I like writing my emotions, especially the happy ones. And that is precisely why my blog is entitled My journey with an angel, because it was in fact, my happiest days with an angel beside me.

Looking blankly on the bright surroundings, my head scanned for words to write, I was overwhelmed with my feelings that words seem to come out all at the same time like hundreds of blabbering girls during lunchtime.

The wind whiffed, I could feel my ears perked up on the sound of the rustling dried leaves on the green grass. Such a wonderful day. I couldn't help smile, thinking of what I am suppose to write, but was lost between the word jumble and the marvelous weather around me.

Three days ago, my long quest finally ended. I was with Seth my closest friend since pre-kindergarten along with two more of our friends; Jared, the annoying cocky quarterback on a football scholarship in the college of Psychology and Embry, the what college girls think creepy tech guy with curly long hair that hid most of his head and face. After losing hope of finding what I needed in the internet, we scoured all of the jewelry stores in downtown, we finally saw one that shouts "I am the one" the first time I laid eyes on it.

It was a decent size of diamond set on a platinum band. Not bad.

Jared was on his usual cocky self muttering things like, "Dude, you're like the richest twenty something guy in this town and you're giving your girl this small of a stone? Shame on you!"

Well of course, if I didn't knew Jared from childhood, I could have been highly offended and defensive on his smart ass comment, but that afternoon, I was in no mood to argue with his imbecilic moves. I was floating, high above the ceiling of the gold plated jewelry house. Sensing my Switzerland-mood-mode, he comically knelt down in front of me holding the ring between his thumb and forefinger, as he fluttered his eyes on me, he sighed and said in a throaty voice that rather sounded like he has a very bad cough, "Be my wife..."

Everyone went on a laughing fit, but me, giving him rounded eyes, I snatched the ring on his fingers, carefully giving it back to the jeweler as he prepared it on its box.

"You're no fun man. I wonder how you'll be after twenty years of marriage with your Bella." Muttered Jared, his face dismayed while he scratched his head.

"Twenty years from now, I'll still be happily married with my Bella." I said strongly, emphasizing the my part as I raised an eyebrow at him, while he ignores me and play fake punch instead with Embry who was sitting on top of the counter despite the several reprimand of the store keeper not to sit on it.

"I don't know with you," added Jared, "but I really have a feeling, Bella is bad news to you."

Seth, who in his infinite quietness managed to roll his eyes on him, pushed me away from Jared and on to the table to sign the receipt of my purchase. But behind my momentary distraction from having to talk back to Jared, my head registered his words like a red light flickering in the dead of the night. I knew Jared never did really like Bella. He always say there was something different and odd about her.

But whatever it was, I never see what he senses on her, just as he never really understood my fascination on her. Oh he's just utterly jealous. Because from the very beginning, Bella never laid eyes on him, despite his constant muscle parade in front of her.

I was in a light mood, and in no way will I ruin that awesome moment for another one of his she-didn't-choose-me-so-I'm-bitter declaration of ill-feelings.

I was beginning to drift reminiscing that day in the jewelry store that I found myself leaning forward the wooden table, with my elbows propped up absently rubbing the back of my ear with my left hand while my other hand marched to the mouse pad of my laptop, minimizing the opened window of my blog. I have to collect these thoughts in one sensible paragraph or else I'll ended up bulleting them down in one empty page.

My unwarranted worry about not having able to write a blog post disappeared quickly as Bella's face graced my view while the window of the blog I just minimized slowly scrolled down.

Ah, that pretty face, childish yet very feminine. Her almond shaped brown eyes stared directly at me as if she was just there in front of me. I could almost feel that straight brown hair as it flew past her face from the soft breeze that windy day I took that picture while we frolic in the streets of uptown. I still remember it took me forever to snap that picture because she kept on fixing her hair. Oh my girl and her hair.

I couldn't help my fingers as it grazed the screen of my laptop, running it on the whole of her face. And with a knowing smile, everything that had happened seemed to play in the very screen of my laptop, her pictures vanishing from my sight .

*_For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	4. Chapter 2 Sweet Honey Flower

**CHAPTER 2 - Sweet Honey Flower

* * *

**

It was like it happened just yesterday, though it has been over two years. The scent of that particular afternoon lingered in the air giving me a very pleasant chill that ran up my spine. I settled on my seat, slumping my back on the backrest, comfortably putting up my feet with my legs crossed on top of the wooden table. Bella's glimmering eyes in my laptop stared at me making me instantly melt and give in to the seemingly blurring surroundings, dimming heavens, trees swaying, pulling me to that day I first laid eyes on her.

Summer afternoon, I was lost in the chaotic world of internet when I heard loud hurried bangs in my door. It was my father…again. For probably the 5th time, he was outside my door to do the same thing; persuade or rather command me to come out and join the barbecue party he and my mother hosted in our backyard. Barbecue party, what the hell am I suppose to do in a barbecue party with old people around talking about the lamest things in the world?

I was used to having parties done in my house, living in an old Victorian house with a huge backyard, I was not a stranger to gatherings which ranges from the most boring to the craziest party, knitting club meetings to college party…in that order.

"What is wrong with you Edward?"

I could not help clear my throat as my father's irritated voice rung in my ears like he was just standing in front of me. That afternoon, after I annoyingly stomped my feet to open my door, my father broke in with a much more annoyed façade than I have. I knew right there and then the series of words that will come out of his mouth.

"Was it too much that I ask you to show up on your mother's party?"

I have not even opened my mouth to answer, and he goes again with another of his I-am-you-father-so-shut-the-fuck-up type of speaking.

"Look at you…you're not a child anymore but until now you can't even do your part in the family business!"

I remember resorting to turning my back on him to head back to my bed, I needed to close my laptop or else he'll probably pop an artery if he gets even a glance of what was keeping me from joining them in their boring party. There are better parties in the internet that I'd rather spend my afternoon at.

"When are you going to grow up and leave your childish ways?! You're as old as a cow and still you haven't finish your college? Why can't you be like Seth?"

At that point after I have securely put down the lid of my laptop, I felt like I was washed with cold water, so cold it burned my skin. I have always been compared to my childhood friend Seth. He who is quiet, smart and rarely gets into trouble. He who lost his parents at an early age but worked hard to finish his college and now works as a supervisor in a huge IT company. I am heads down to Seth's capabilities and everything he had gone through, but to be compared like I don't have my own capacities…that, I think is stepping on my ego.

"Dad, I am on my way to my degree right? Aren't you proud, at least?"

"You should have been years ago," Dad snorted, not putting down his hands that were tightly angled on his waist like he was scolding an 8 year old me, "you've wasted a lot of opportunity."

"What opportunity are you talking about Dad?" I was not able to control my voice to croak, I was never weak but whenever my father start to talk to me like I have no balls at all, I all but gets too furious that I wanted to scream. "Our company is not going anywhere…it will be there by the time I get my diploma just as it has always been since I was born!"

My father could not hide his obvious dismay on my reply; he went tomato red with his wrinkled eyes bulging out of its sockets. He took a few deep breaths, his lips pursed tightly that his jaws gnawed, I could almost melt from his piercing stare. And then he said, with a calmer voice, "That is what you think. Dress presentable and grace in the garden. I want you to meet someone." My father who was a man of utter elegance turned about in a swift motion and left my room, leaving me stunned and profusely annoyed.

We own the largest company of textile in the whole of Capalonga, a huge and prosperous triangular city in the edge of the province of Angeles. My family is known from our ancestors, to whom my father has inherited our business. He made me took Business Administration so I will get formal teachings on how to run the family's bread and butter toward the 21st century.

After taking a few minutes of cool air, calming myself as I breathe the breeze coming from my balcony, which thankfully was in the other side of the house, I decided to finally come down and show up. Hesitating on the few steps on the stairs of the back of the house toward the backyard, I turned about and made few paces on my mother's rectangular flower boxes, taking comfort on the scent of the flowers that I never realized ever that they emit such sweet and luscious smell.

Looking back at the crowd in the middle of the backyard, I saw my parents' guests; most of them were familiar to me. There was this fat old man, who smokes like a chimney; his almost thin as cat's hairball hair were being dragged by the mischievous breeze back and forth. Daddy's most trusted wingman; Mr. Clearwater was trying to light his probably tenth cigar while he kept on fixing his Harry Potter eyeglasses on his flat nose. In the other side of the u-shaped table arrangement, with yellow tulips on top of my mother's expensive table cloth, were the women; some are old as dirt, most are aesthetically enhanced or with oversized boobies. Almost everyone are wearing their huge hats, trying to keep the non-existent rays of the sun from penetrating their skin.

I knew I will be in trouble if I don't at least show up and say hello, but I am very sure that a few moments of showing up will mean another tumultuous moments of faked enthusiasm, brushing of elbows, cheeks to cheeks and unsolicited spank on my butt by the dirty old women. Judging by the sound of their laughter, I bet my bottom-dollar they're done with their party and probably consuming their coffee and tea, I knew it will only take them a while before they will depart.

I was ready to turn and head down to the backyard when as I turn around I almost ran into someone I really thought at first I knew, from distant far. Her face was so divine, I am sure I saw it sparkled. She was standing in the stone landing of the stairs, and with how her body was inclined; she was obviously contemplating whether to step up or step back down the stairs.

My eyes, my usually women-thirsty eyes immediately scanned her from head to toes. She was wearing a white dress, flowing like the air as it sways side to side; her long brown curly hair framed her thin face, running down her bosom, almost to her waist. That flinging long white scarf she rolled and tied in her head like a headband made her look like a goddess lost from her paradise, or an angel with her tiny wings flapping behind her . I knew that very moment I could have swallowed my Adam's apple from humiliation when she suddenly snickered. I was undoubtedly ogling and already thinking of what was hidden behind that thin chiffon dress that bared most of her skin.

Obviously embarrassed of her sudden burst of amusement, she blushed…and she bit her lip. God I felt I was kicked so hard I froze. "Hi." She said, her voice sounded as if she was having phone-sex; throaty, sweet and sexy.

Sitting in the bench outside the lawn of our school, I needed to fix my posture, feeling the thrill that ran up my whole body as I remembered that day, I could not help pinching the base of my nose as I rested my elbows in the table, momentarily hiding my face inside my palm. I would not want anyone to see me smiling like a total idiot.

"Would you know…" Her voice rang in my ears as if she was just sitting beside me, "…where could the washroom be?"

I had to totally give in on the pull of my reverie, I could smell the scent of that moment lingering somewhere around me, my arms felt cold from the whiff of the warm air. I bowed my head, covering my neck with my hand, feeling the undeniable smile pasted in my face, and then I immersed myself in total abandon on my memories.

"Uh, yeah," I said snapping from her trance, catching myself from gasping too loud, "It's…umm, over here."

She followed me as I showed her the way to the washroom, inside the house. It wasn't too far from where we stand; I felt her very presence as I walked in front of her. I must be very paranoid but at that moment I suddenly realized I didn't even put on my best pants, my white long sleeves almost all unbuttoned and folded to my elbows was definitely wrinkled and for heaven's sake I forgot to look in the mirror if I got my hair right. Her eyes felt like sharp knives behind me.

I felt too damn stupid, tongue tied as she walked past me when I motioned the door for the washroom. Her scent of something sweet and honeyish, flowery, whipped me like a tornado passing right in front of me. And I even felt stupider when I hesitated in the balls of my feet if I will stay outside the door or leave her.

Naturally, after battling with myself, I opted to go out and have deep breaths outside in the same spot I was standing just a while back. I realized the scent I have been enjoying for the past several minutes were coming from the huge tree in the side of the flower box. Its leaves were passing down the roof of the house and its flowers, long yellowish green dropping like elongated leaves sway from the blow of the wind. I stepped up the concrete flower box to have a clearer look and sniff of the flower when I heard someone cleared her throat behind me.

It was her, again.

"Hey…you're still here," she said, running her hair between her fingers tinted with dark nail polish. She smiled, and I did not fail to notice her eyes twinkled as they stared on me, they were somewhere between the shades of brown and gray, amazing.

She started walking toward the yard, and I was like a slave tied on my legs following her, pulling my eyes hesitantly away on the curves of her body, very much visible with that chiffon dress.

"This party is so boring," she said, falling on her steps to walk beside me, her body swayed toward me as she waited obviously for me to say something, "I could have just…"

She let her words hang while she pursed her lips and batted her lashes looking directly on me. And then she fucking smiled. I was not able to say a word, but rather chickened out from her stare and went on staring the crowd that we're heading into. That has never happened to me before, chickening on girls.

I heard her laughed silently and at the corner of my eyes, I could see she was pursing her tinted lips. What a sight.

"Do you come here often? I mean with these bunch of oldies and…" She asked hurriedly with a hint of sarcasm, and not until she realized I stopped walking did she paused with her words and turned around to look at me.

I was looking on my shoes; my hands were clutched together behind me. I was considering if I should tell her the truth when she hurriedly stepped toward me, her eyes batted even faster and even with her hand on top of her mouth I could see she was smiling, and gasping for that matter.

"Oh my God…" she said in a sing-song voice, "you live here!"

With a slightly embarrassed smile, I nodded, trying to find my fucking voice.

"I'm sorry," she murmured still trying to please me with her angelic face, which by the way she never have to, "I am such an idiot, I never realized…I'm sorry…"

"What are you saying sorry for?" At last, I found my tongue, and with her infectious smile and giggle I finally found my old self, confident with a tinge of perversion.

The sounds of her giggles were like tiny bells in the church, her very attractive face bloomed more with her embarrassment. "Sorry…I should have realized you were younger." She said. "My name is Bella."

Temporarily puzzled of her words, I reached for the hand that she offered for me to shake, "I'm…"

"You're Edward," she said confidently snatching the words from my mouth as she held my hand firmly and then let go just as fast with just a single shake. They were soft to touch a little cold but definitely fit my hand. "I should have known. You've got a pretty house, really huge…and, old yet classy."

I curtly nodded, and then ushered her with my hand on the direction of the crowd that I noticed have their probing eyes all to us. "What do you mean…you didn't realize I was younger?" I asked, not able to keep that thought from popping in my head.

"Oh," Bella said, pausing with a sigh, "I thought…um, your name sounded like an old person."

She snickered but hid her face with her hair. "Please…don't tell my father I said those awful things about this party…I mean, I thought you were some chaperoning son of one of his colleagues, and with how bored you looked, I thought you…" she blabbered, her facial expression says her deep feelings of humiliation.

"Hey…" I cut her apology, lightly touching her arm with the back of my hand, "Don't worry, I'm with you with the boring thing," I said hastily yet in low voice only audible to her as we approached my father and my mother who were all smiles to both of us.

"Edward…" my father said with his elegant voice and knowing look, "I see you two have met."

"Charlie, you have a very fine young lady indeed!" I heard my mother's excited voice as I followed my father's gaze to the man I have never seen before, standing a few steps beside him.

A few more blinks and he was stepping near us, with Bella tucked under his arm. His face was in a tight expression, authoritative just like my father with his guarded smile hidden under his mustache. "Thank you Esme." His voice grumbled like thunder in a silent night, "Edward, nice meeting you, I am Charlie Swan. And I believe you've met my daughter, Bella."

I shook his hand; his grasp was firm and hard like he wanted to communicate something with his grip, "Good afternoon Mr. Swan. I hope you're enjoying my parent's party." I said enthusiastically with all the courteousness I have learned from all the etiquette classes I have been into.

Mr. Swan nodded and then released Bella from his arm and turned to my father. "Very well Carlisle."

I heard him muttered a few more words to my father but I was lost in a spell that I could feel from Bella's solid gaze on me. Her eyes flickered, twinkling from under the shade of the afternoon sun while her lips were slightly apart like smiling between words I could not hear. The white scarf in her hair flung wildly like wings flapping excitedly. And then I realized, what I previously thought her long curled hair that was framed by the headscarf, was in fact, straight and shoulder length.

I must have mistaken her with someone I know, from a distant memory.

*_For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	5. Chapter 3 Huge Raindrops

A/N

Hey everyone! Thanks for checking out my story. I'm sorry I have not been updating like I used to, I was just kind of having an internal battle whether or not to continue writing, yeah, but here I am now, I continued, and hopefully I will be in the next 'many' chapters. As one of my friends whom I met here in FFn said, I cannot just start writing and not continue it, I am doing my best to finish this story, and I hope by the end of it, I could say that somehow I did give you, my patient wonderful readers, something nice to remember, and maybe you'd get some moral from here, (if there's any). Feel free to comment away all your happy thoughts or vicious ones, they all look the same to me…your precious time spent in my company. Thank you all!

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 – Huge Raindrops**

That night, I could not possibly find the will to sleep. My mind was pre-occupied with Bella's face, how it lit when she smiles, how her lips pout after she pursed them, and her body, her glorious sumptuous body with skin so creamy and soft, I swear I could see her undressing in front of me.

But those inappropriate thoughts, though I would admit were all inside my head, they were all fueled by my conversation with my father in the dining table that night.

"You seem to have easily warmed up with the Bella girl," he said. "I could see how you look at her."

He was being himself, talking while he absently forked his steak. That's my father, can be a cool and fatherly dude sometimes, but those good times of hanging out with each other just staring at sunbathing women in the bay area were long gone. He became the strict, business-like man that a father isn't supposed to be. I could not even remember why he suddenly became stiff.

"Skin so supple, bosom screaming under those thin…"

"Dad…" I remember protesting, throwing my mother a look that says, 'would you please tell your husband to shut the fuck up', but my father continued blabbering about Bella and all I could do was groan in exasperation.

"It's alright son," he chuckled rounding his olden eyes on me, "It's not like you haven't bring girls like her in this house."

I have, as a matter of fact; I have always snick girls in the third floor where I am the only occupant. I like girls, they have different sides, different attitudes, but when it comes to sex, they almost always have the same preferences. My father have witnessed almost all the different girls I have paraded in different too many occasions in the house, some I could not even recall the names. But they were just flings, dates that don't last for long. I knew better than to trust a relationship that started as a one night stand in bars, or at the back of school buildings. And since Jessica, I hardly had time focusing on long term relationships. I mean, why invest in relationship that you already know the reason why you're together. Even those who madly love each other fall out of love in due time. I am the very example of a witness to a love that was so beautiful, but as it aged, it withered if not died. My parents'.

Dad was still teasing me, I have no idea what came to the mind of that old man, but he kept on insisting for me to date Bella. I continued eating, trying hard to divert my attention from his provocative words, but they all but find the deepest pits of my brain no matter how hard I tried.

"He's a good match for you Edward." He said, lightly tapping the mahogany table with his hand to get my attention. "Don't you let a girl like that just pass."

"What makes you think that she'll even like me Dad? She didn't even talk to me that long…" I spat, annoyingly chewing the piece of meat that suddenly felt rubbery. "I mean…she thought I was some kind of chaperon of one of your guests!"

"Oh honey…" My mother said, the usual word she says to snatch whatever ill feelings I was having.

Dad immediately dropped his fork, facing seriously on me, "Well that's because you dress like one!" Shaking his head he swallowed the piece of the steak he was trying to tear apart awhile ago, and then spoke with his mouth full, obviously fired up, "If you have, right as I ordered you came down and dressed up presentably, she wouldn't think you're a helper."

"She didn't actually say I was a helper," being a stubborn child that I was, I muttered with a spiteful tone, "she said…"

But he was quick to talk, kind of like when he wanted to have the last word, "I don't care what she said, what I am te--,"

"Boys…Can we just for once not fight in the dining table?" My mother cut of my father's words, and then turned to me, "Edward, you're not even eating your steak…"

I had to suck a bagful of air before I stood up and leave the table, with my stunned parents; but before I did that, I was able to utter some words that clearly said my feelings at that very moment. "I don't know Mom, I think…I'd rather eat pizza than have dinner with my family who clearly lost their affection on their child."

I heard my Mom called on me, but I was already on my way up the grand staircase that dated way back our ancestors, I have no intentions of apologizing for my misbehavior, I did not even had the urge to look back at my protesting mother, until I heard my father's voice echoing in the spacious dining hall.

"I want you to keep that girl Edward, I want you to get her."

It's like I was suddenly halted by a band of warriors. Clearing some space on my already profusely intimidated self, I went back, hearing only the tapping of my shoes on the wooden floor.

"Why?" I asked, sticking out my head on the frame of the sliding doors. "You don't need to tell me who I date Dad, you never had…so why are you telling me now?"

It was a fairly amount of time before he could reply, staring blankly for a long time on his wine glass. And with his strong and authoritative voice he gnawed the words to me, "Because she's good for you."

"I don't buy it."

"Then don't." He angrily said, "You never listen to me anyhow! You kept on putting your hands on those dirty girls…who knows where they've come from? You did what you want for yourself dating all those women and despite you tainting this house with all your escapades, you never heard us telling you to stop your insanity. For once, open your eyes...this girl, is the girl for you. She came from a decent family, someone you can be proud of, not like your past girlfriends who are nothing but greedy little girls who just wanted a piece of your fortune!"

"I don't believe this," I said shaking my head profusely.

But Dad didn't change his facial expression, I jumped my eyes on my mother hoping to see any sign of help from her, but there was none. I am sure as shit she concurs on what he was saying.

"I don't know what the fuck you are thinking Dad…but I choose who I date," I gritted my words, "That Bella girl…" I was shaking my head profusely, finding the right words to say, I mean, I liked her, I know I did, but, having my father stepping up for me, it makes me feel…robbed.

Exasperated, I muttered huffing in frustration, "I don't even have her number!"

It's true, I was not able to get her number, I didn't know why, I'm usually good at stalking girls, but that time, I think I was otherwise engaged and settled on just looking at her. Not until I was up all night thinking about her did I think that I lost the only chance to meet her again. I knew I can just ask my father to get her number from his colleague, Mr. Swan, but that is admitting to him that I acted out of his orders, and the last thing I want is for him to boss me even when it comes to girls.

I never even realized I fell asleep, only when I awoke from the most spectacular dream I have ever had in years. Bella in my room.

Her hair bounced modestly on her bare back, I could not remember what was it she's wearing but it was white like a gown or something, or probably my bed sheets, I don't know, all I could remember was, she was swaying, or dancing in a mellow music that sounded like coming from a piano playing in a distant space in my room, like she was lost on her concentration. And if she never from time to time threw me some glances, I would have thought she was alone in my room. But I was there, sitting somewhere, and I bet if I could just see myself from a mirror, I must have been drooling, that was how I felt, completely enchanted, captivated by her sensuous moves.

How did I know it was just a dream?

Well as I jumped from where I was sitting to finally capture her and stop the rather painful teasing, I pulled her next to me, holding her by her bare arms, deliberately excitedly breathing, and as I turned her toward me, I inadvertently pulled her hair, which by the way was wavy and curled to the tips, and it fell down with a faint thud on the wooden floor. I was actually expecting that I will see her either bald or with the same straight hair like what I have seen that morning in the backyard, and somehow readied myself to the fact that she might be wearing a wig, but when I turned my head to have a look on her, I freaked out to what I've seen, and dropped her down the floor. And that was how I awoke, from the sound of a body falling down the wooden floor.

I could not remember what exactly I saw, and every time I think about it, I always come up blank, like I have never really seen her face. All I knew was, it was something rather disturbing or startling, that is why I dropped her.

Having a dream of someone I actually don't know made me self conscious and thinking for some time. But I never saw Bella again, so the not-so-natural-thing-for-me called caring didn't last for long.

* * *

Halloween, there was a party in the university that happens every year, rather razzle-dazzle. Hundreds of students from high school and college flock the Gym to mingle with other students. Of course I was there too with Jared and Embry. We never miss school gatherings like this, I may be too old for partying but parties like this is where you could meet new faces, other party students you still don't know. In my case, it's probably going to be only a handful, having dated almost every hot girl in the school since high school.

Jared was once again in his cocky self, dressed in his football uniform; his head looked too little with his padded shirt on. It's funny how he wanted to look so hot to other girls, with his loud mouth he kept on saying hi to everyone on our way to the gym, maliciously gesturing all sorts of things to anyone who pays attention to him.

"Dude, you don't need to do that! It's disgusting!" Embry muttered laughing, pushing him with all his strength. "You're hot as pancake; you need no butter to sell!"

Jared was holding the front of his pants, on top of his thankfully clothed penis, and just plain shaking his booty suggestively. Most girls ran away from him, screaming like they just saw a naked hairy old man, but there were girls who dared teased back, some even rocked their body in front of Jared dancing to the faint sound of the trance music playing inside the gym in front of us.

I settled on the last step of the stairs, some distance away from Jared. I was using my phone to read the text message I just received…it was from Heidi, the head cheerleader. She was saying something about, relive the old days or something to that effect when as I inhaled deeply, I remembered, freezing momentarily to that scent that seemed to have filled the air.

It felt so familiar yet foreign, like it happened some years ago, and then I heard a chuckle.

I felt like I was kicked hardcore in my gut as I realized whose voice was that. Bella. My mouth was definitely hanging because I felt it shut close when I realized it was open wide. I had to chew my cheek; I wanted so badly to stand up from where I was sitting and make myself visible to her. But from the steps of the stairs, I could see clearly that she was having a very sensual conversation with no other than, Jared, who was all too wide smile and ready with her teasing.

She was standing inches away from Jared, her fingers splayed on his stomach, I think, while Jared's hands were at home on her swaying hips. I could not help feel stupid watching over them seemingly planning an after party party, if you know what I mean. There were two girls beside her, someone I think I've seen before somewhere. They were both rooting on getting the attention of Jared, I mean who doesn't want to sleep with a hot football player, right? But sadly, he was all eyes and pre-occupied on the gratification he was getting from Bella, and I think I have the same expression he has, smitten by how fucking worldly Bella looked on her rather unworldly costume, an angel.

As the cooler breeze of fall hit me in the face her scent lost in the limitless air around me, her long asymmetrical dress flings back and forth, showing off her toes painted in red sitting comfortably on a glittering flat sandals that most girls use these days, her slender arms glittered from the strobe light occasionally hitting them, and unbelievably mesmerizing, the tiny wings she was wearing at her back seemed to be emitting some kind of shine too.

My loser-type thoughts burst when Jared suddenly appeared beside me ruffling my already messy hair, towing Bella on his left arm. I was left staring on the empty space where they were just standing a moment ago praying silently for the sky to bleed and drown me. I felt so incapable, I mean, it hardly happen that Jared gets the woman I wanted, and that night, I unwillingly though unintentionally let him steal the woman I have been…well, trying to get hold of.

Funny enough, the heavens must have heard my silent prayer, it rained, and huge drops of water hurriedly hitting the ground made me ran inside the gym. I was actually planning of getting drunk because I know I would forget whatever spiteful feelings I was having toward Jared and I was looking forward to just having it done with Heidi, or who ever come my way. It always does the trick, and I was used to getting laid every party and then moving on with my life; I was pretty sure it was just one of those nights where I have spotted the girl I wanted later realizing she was either married or with a date.

Jared was obviously hitting on Bella, annoyingly obvious. She was too, annoyingly completely okay and game with it, I think. Bella was swaying suggestively on the humping and grinding Jared, rubbing her boobs on him. I was undeniably getting turned on by her moves, but my human man flares were being shut instantly by the sight of Jared lasciviously all over her.

How I wished that moment that she wouldn't do that or if she would, I hope she had remembered who I am and did it instead to me. I mean, what the hell, how drunk could she be that she wouldn't even remember who am I? It was just like 3 weeks ago that time since we first met, and I begged to differ to anyone that I am an un-notable person, my experience says otherwise. I couldn't do anything but grumble inside, trying so hard to release the bitter feelings that had swallowed me whole even before that party started.

Drinking my misery off while sweating it in the dance floor with unsuspecting drunk girls made it easier for me to let the hours past. It was agonizing knowing I could not have what I wanted, and I contemplated on leaving the party early but seeing how Jared had his hands all over my type of girl, I was somehow had the feeling that I'd rather stay. Or at least until they left, if ever they would be shagging somewhere, and knowing Jared it might just be in his truck.

I just finished dancing, dry-fucking rather with a girl in a butterfly mask, drowning in my 5th beer, just letting the dizzying effect of the bouncy music and the flippy lights of the dance floor, when out of the corner of my eyes I spotted something white standing in the dark corner of the gym. I knew the moment the image came clear on my adjusting eyesight that it was Bella.

Clutching my beer on my right hand with the other hand fiddling inside my pants' pocket, I willingly followed my feet toward her. She has her back turned away from me, and all I could see were her wings bouncing like it was flapping as she walked back and forth the empty space. I stood there for quite some time, just watching her, I was specifically enjoying the sight of her body sort of swaying while she walk, letting my eyes jump back and forth on her back and her nape with just a few curled locks bouncing, lost in the cream color of her skin.

I was in no doubt spellbound once again that I didn't even realize she was already standing in front of me.

"Were you listening to that?" Bella asked in high notes trying to be heard amidst the loud music obviously annoyed. But surprisingly, her voice sounded like it was the only sound playing around. I tell you, I was totally dumbfounded, I could not find a word to say.

It was only when she waved her hand in front of me did I realize that she was actually asking me something. Of course I was listening to that, but I did not really get what it was all about. All I knew was she was having an argument with someone on her phone, and by looking on her face, I just realized she was actually having a bad day, she was crying, or rather, cried as her smudged mascara could tell.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, feeling the urge to rise above my already blurring thoughts. I was having the self-glorification that somehow she had remembered who I am and she wouldn't mind me asking, or eavesdropping for that matter.

She straightened and looked away, and standing near her, I could see her eyes twinkling in different colors from the strobe lights blaring in the whole of the room. Her face softened from the utter troubled aura it has just a few moments back. She was standing right next to me with her shoulders too near me; her scent of flowers and that sweet honeyish essence were boasting on me, I could see the rise and fall of her glittery bosom from her strapless dress.

And then something in her hand flickered making her startle. It was her phone, ringing again. She threw a spiteful look on her Blackberry before she thumbed the decline button, and then she turned to face me, with those puckered shiny lips and smudged yet captivating green eyes.

"Is this the moment when you will ask if you could buy me a beer?" Bella said, her voice running hysterical in every single nerve I have.

* * *

_*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	6. Chapter 4 Thunder and Lightning

**CHAPTER 4 – Thunder and Lightning

* * *

**

There was a huge smile that stupidly found my utterly mesmerized face. She was suggesting something that I would love to do. Buying girls their drink, that is, especially when I liked who was initiating.

I had my arm angled toward her in no time and as I felt her hand in my skin slipping through the hole of my angled arm, I began bouncing and swaying through the beat of the electronic music playing, the nauseating Gaga song, pulling her slowly through the crowd of noisy and half drunken men and women in the dance floor. I wanted to hurry so much, of course because I was already expecting what is going to happen, but that night and that moment I was feeling a little overjoyed, triumphant sort of, that the girl I am intrigued about and been dreaming of was with me, finally.

I could hear her delighted laughter rising above the loud noises as I twist and turn her dancing us to the beat of the music playing while easing our way through the people around. I was feeling hysterical seeing her smudged eyes twinkle under the bouncing lights, feeling the sweetness of her smile and her laughter. And for a moment, I thought, it was so inappropriate of me to think of lewd things to do to her that very moment that she's obviously drunk and heart sick.

There was a crazy heavy feeling that's hovering around like the blinding smoke that clouded the gym which kind of made me promise myself that I wouldn't do anything that could sabotage whatever sort of friendship I was having with her; that for once I wanted to act like a gentleman and not a sex-addict who would sleep with anyone at a snap of the fingers. Crazy of me.

Holding her by her bouncing waist, I pushed her out of the crowd that were in total hysteria while she still continued dancing, I didn't stop until we're almost to the huge doors ushering the exit. But a few meters from it, I have already spotted Jared and Embry in the dark even before they came out and approach us. Embry was all smiles to me weirdly trying to work on his robotic dancing steps on the Britney song playing; he was sarcastically gesturing huge eyes on an obviously un-thrilled Jared who was holding two red cups of beer.

Jared was sort of blithely smiling and had his eyes trained on Bella the moment he was in front of her, who as if she saw her weird brother halted instantaneously and turned to keep me beside her. Jared's face soured and reading an all too familiar expression of his, I knew he was about to diss on Bella. Something I wouldn't let happen, I don't know why I was acting territorial and all too heroic but I feel like I have an obligation to not to let anyone hurt her after already witnessing her silently cry in the corner. I am telling you that was so weird of me, it's like I am a totally different person.

"Where've you been? I've been looking all over for you, baby!" Jared muttered; his annoyance masked with the enthusiasm in his voice. "I got you your drink…"

"Oh, umm…" Bella stuttered and looked at me with a pained expression. "I was…I took a call, and somehow lost track of time. I'm sorry…" She said shrugging her bare shoulders making the loosened curls of her hair bounce on her sweaty neck.

Jared made up a sarcastic smile and then offered Bella her drink, "Okay…so," he mumbled jumping his eyes from her to me, "let's go."

Bella seemed to have realized what he was trying to imply, she didn't move for a little while tucking her head on her shoulders and then hiding her lips that had a small embarrassed yet naughty smile on her hand; "Oh...about that," she said pulling her head forward nearer to Jared as if she wanted to say something privately. But I bet Jared knew what was coming, he didn't move a slightest inch from where he was standing, and just let the rather shaky voice of Bella conquer the space between the four of us.

"I can't go with you," Bella muttered shaking her head. "Not tonight Jeric."

I saw Jared's shoulders trembled slightly and if I didn't know him, I would think he's having a great time with that smile on his face. Apparently he thought, Bella was joking. But when Bella didn't say any more words, his face began to show his real emotions.

"What? But--" He asked already miffed with his forehead scrunched like when he was concentrating on his football game, "Oh come on!" He added looking on me, possibly realizing what was happening.

But Bella just shrugged and smile politely on him. Jared looked at me with those piercing angry bull's eyes that were suppose to send me a clear message to back off, but I…Edward Cullen never back off a fight, especially if it's about a girl I wanted…and with my buddy. I mean…fuck him, we've been together for so long and it should be fairly clear to him that he could only get girls when I am not around. Well it was really never like that before, but ever since I started playing on my gigolo cards, I knew nothing but to get to those girls whatever means possible. Anyway.

"You're a fucking dog Edward, you know that?" Jared huffed so crossed he couldn't hide his jaws from clenching. "I saw her first." He added with low voice turning his head closer to me, unintended for Bella to hear.

"Uhrm," Bella cleared her throat, sullenly wrapping her torso with her bare arms. "Her…is here, and no Jeric, Edward saw me first."

Jared let out his breath audibly, wearily slumping his shoulders, pausing many times pursing his lips before he articulated what he was thinking. "It's Jared…" he gritted, pausing again before he proceeded putting both his hands in his waist, kind of like when my father is utterly annoyed with me, his chest looked bulkier, the veins in his arms seemed to be throbbing. "And no…you are my date!"

I opened my mouth to explain, seeing that with Jared's stepped-on ego, it's more likely that he's going to talk to Bella rudely, more rudely , which by that very moment, I am very sure I wouldn't let happen.

Anyway, Bella spared me the effort to stand for her; she raised her hand to stop Jared to whatever words he still has lurking on his mouth. "I knew Edward, he's my father's colleague's son." she said, might I say, strongly, so articulated. "And I…am not your date."

"Yeah…whatever." Jared put both his hands up in surrender. "You go fuck yourselves, the hell I care!"

Bella threw me a resentful look in a flash, and then moved closer to Jared almost letting her boobs touched his chest. "You're a disgusting man-whore Jeric, you know that?"

I was feeling a little entertained watching the two exchange words not to mention Bella's frequent misnaming Jared and as I exchange fives with a very drunken Embry behind Jared, I heard him exclaimed, "Bitch!"

"Oh yes I am, thank you!" Bella cried out.

"You think I am the man-whore?" Jared said contemptuously. "This right here…the one you're trying to ran away with is the man-whore!"

Bella didn't say a word instead she shrugged and put her hand inside the tube of her strapless dress cupping her boobs to fix them. I knew I have let out a gasp, I was caught off-guard, but reading her moves, I thought she was just trying to tease and annoy Jared more.

And of course, it did annoy Jared more, he was about to say something when I have finally caught myself and stepped toward her, holding Bella in both her arms to push her away from Jared. "That is enough Dude."

"Whatever…" Jared muttered, clearly giving up.

Embry wrapped his arm on Jared, trying to pry him away from us, "Come on lover boy, let's get you another bitch," he said, slurring his words. "Let's give these bitches their hump time."

I mouthed shut up to Embry in which he just raised his hand in defeat afterward spanking his butt suggestively. But before Embry was able to tug Jared away, Bella snatched the red cup from him, spilling the beer on both their hands.

"Thanks for this…Jeric!" She said mockingly giggling and then started swaying her body side to side dancing on the beat.

"It's Jared you dumb slut!" Jared shouted on top of his lungs, but we were already on our way to the huge doors, with me pushing Bella with my hands on her slender arms.

We were laughing as we exited the doors, but it was shut off involuntary when we saw that it wasn't just raining, it was pouring outside. Bella had her cup stuck to her mouth, and I could clearly see how the beer ran through her neck as she startlingly put it down.

I could feel the rain water spritzing my face and my arms. I was beginning to worry that we would end up stuck inside the gym; assessing the strength of the rain and the distance to the parking spot where I hurriedly left the Volvo early that evening, I began to mentally count how many hurried steps would it take to get there, I know, I was really that desperate to keep Bella to myself.

Looking at the hem of my already wet jeans, I heard Bella laugh, laughter of delight, like childlike. A huge smile crawled in my face when I noticed that she had her hands in her dress holding it up so she could see her feet getting soaked in raindrops.

She looked at me with those almond eyes full of excitement, and like I needed more reasons to feel a little funny inside of me, I was caught off guard of how strong a stare coming from her can do to me. I was instantly lost in an ocean of blank thoughts.

"So where's your car?" She sprightly spoke, pulling me from whatever wilderness of nothing I was wandering at.

I was surprised, and I knew I have my thoughts written all over my face, because not a blink after, she was tugging my hand down the steps of the stairs, under the angry pouring rain.

We ran; my hand clasped on hers. I could hear her ecstatic laughter amid the roar of thunder and the thud of huge raindrops in the ground, and as the cars in the parking lot came to our view, she stopped running, dropping my hand instantaneously.

She danced around; bouncing, circling, and swaying slowly like a fairy dancing on a pad of flowers. The wings at her back bounced like it was really flapping. Her hands spread-eagle in her side; her head was looking up the heavens with her eyes closed, her lips sort of murmuring something too low for me to hear. I was stunned and just standing there, trying to clear my sight and my mouth from the gushing water in my face mercilessly dripping through my long hair.

Bella was a picture of happiness, freedom. The once sad aura she had back in the gym was seemingly washed off by the rainwater, just like the smudge of mascara in her adorable face. Her bare skin glistened from the raindrops and her soft long dress hugged her body to the extent that I could see the color of her creamy skin underneath.

"Come on Edward!" She shouted, pulling me closer to her. "Dance with me!"

She held me in my neck with both her hands, and then let herself hang. I was holding her on her waist, my hands dipping on the soft fabric of her soaked dress. She was stepping to her side, trying to tug me in circles, which I willingly followed.

Bella was singing, I'm singing in the rain, off key, at the top of her lungs and I can see the veins in her neck thumping as her head was bend backwards. But that wasn't the only thing I could see. The heaven-sent rain gifted me of the sight of her boobs underneath her wet clothes. My earthly instincts called onto me again, I could feel it rising, growing angrier by the minute despite the cold and wet rain.

It was a torture seeing Bella almost naked from the now-see-thru dress but it was an agony when she started wrapping her hands tightly on my neck and then moving closer and closer to me, until there was no space between us but the clothes we're wearing. I thought I was going to lose my shit, my penis was going berserk.

Had I not hear a whimper followed by a shake on her back, I wouldn't even realize she was actually crying.

"Bella…" I whispered, running one of my hands at the small of her back. "What's wrong?"

But Bella didn't say anything; instead she tightened her arms around my neck and began sobbing. I felt a jolt in my heart, something so new to me that I didn't even know what to do, so, I swung my other hand to catch her and carried her slowly walking toward where my Volvo was parked.

Tiny little sobs made my heart heavy. I was beginning to think how rude of me to expect that the only reason she came with me tonight was because she wanted to have sex with me. It was a weird feeling and I wasn't used to be that nice, not to anyone.

I rummaged at the back of the Volvo for anything that I could use to dry ourselves, but there was nothing but the blue hoodie sweater I was wearing this afternoon. Bella seemed to have calmed down the moment I was sitting already in the driver's seat and offering her the sweater.

"Thank you…" she said with a raspy voice. "I'm sorry."

"Huh?" I mumbled, I thought she caught me ogling her while she dries up. I was staring on her and God knows the things running through my dirty mind.

But she gestured 'the car 'with her head, and I realized she had been worried of wet upholstery. I thought that was nice of her, I know I care that much about that car, but I never really worry about it…that very moment that she was inside, all dripping wet.

"It doesn't matter." I assured her, talking mainly of what I feel. "Upholstery needs a good bath anyway."

There was a deafening silence inside afterward; it was like there was suddenly a huge wall between us. Only the angry pouring of rain in the windshield with the roaring thunder can be heard. Lightning cracked from the sky from time to time, and from the awful silence inside, I began to gather myself.

"I'm sorry about how Jared treated you," I mumbled, straightly looking at the rain stricken wind shield. "I should have…approached you earlier so…you need not hang out with him."

I was pretty sure she was crying because she got offended from Jared's inappropriate words. He's an ass; nothing could be done in there. But behind that conclusion I was also thinking of what I could say, because, I am more of an ass than Jared, and I know, only a few more minutes she's going to run shrieking out of the car. She didn't make any movement for a while; I actually thought she had fallen asleep, but then she sighed putting the hoodie back in my lap.

"No worries," she said, patting my thigh shortly. "I am used to stupid male species like that who treat women like some piece of shit."

I couldn't hold my breath any longer, like it has its own thinking that it suddenly went gushing out my lungs in a very audible very obvious manner. All I could do was to chew on my lips to hide my embarrassment and my guilty conscience.

"What?" She asked, laughing, angling her body to face me. "Was it funny, Edward?" She was shaking in a hushed laughter, as she tried to remove her wings from her back.

Yeah, Bella, I noticed loves to tease. I was left with no choice but to somehow tell her the truth that if there's an asshole between me and Jared, it would be me.

I turned my body facing her, resting my back on the door of the driver's seat, I did not hesitate speaking, "Actually…I am even worse." I said with a tint of dignity, of what ever is left.

But she didn't mind it, or if she did, I never noticed. She just laughed, lolling her head back the head rest, her laughter sounded like chimes on a windy night. And then she fell silent again. But I wouldn't let any awkwardness set in anymore, I didn't, and so I struggled to start a conversation, keeping my eyes from sticking to the sight of her heaving breasts, which by the way is so fucking hard.

"I thought you didn't recognize me," I said, matter of fact. "I thought I lost the connection..."

"No," she immediately said. "I see you almost every day in the BA building…"

Realization set in, and I knew I have a very knowing smile pasted in my face. "Yes…" Bella nodded, smiling, reading what I was thinking. "I study here too…and I saw what you meant by _you were worse than Jared_…" she added making quotation marks in the air with her fingers.

I could feel hot warm blood creeping to the whole of my face, it was humiliating. For the first time in years I felt the urge to please a girl and I ended up in my own shit. I was suddenly lost for words, I can just imagine those horrible sights she must have witness where I and the boys hang out, lots of girls, lots of rudeness and manifestations of earthly desire.

"Hey," Bella tapped my thigh again; I must have been awfully quiet. "It doesn't matter."

Of course it doesn't matter anymore, because whatever picture I was trying to paint of myself was preceded by her impressions of me. Suddenly I felt stupid for trying to pull off a gentleman move, I knew I would screw up.

Clearing my thoughts together with the sound of clearing my throat, I straightened up my seat holding the steering wheel. "Umm, I'd best get you home," I murmured turning the key in the slot. "You might get sick…"

I heard her snickered…that giggly and infectious tiny laughter that I so overused in my laptop nowadays. "I don't want to go home," Bella said in the sweetest voice. "I want to go somewhere…not my house."

Letting out a huge amount of air, I tried to think straight. I was still harboring the grossly indecent thoughts I was having a few hours back, but I thought, entertaining them might just put her off realizing that I was undoubtedly worse than any guy she know. I mean, she knew it already, but letting her experience it, I was that time in no hurry to ruin myself over some sex. Surprisingly, I actually don't know why I care.

I drove with one place in my mind. She didn't mind asking, sitting back on the passenger's seat with her hands draped around her torso while she listened to the music playing in the radio. I knew she was studying me, I could see her from my periphery. But the only time I stare back was when I gave her back the hoodie…so she has something to cover herself with, I thought, saves me from thinking that there was an almost naked woman, hot and wet inside my car. That was hard, and so was I.

She didn't move not until raindrops stopped falling on the car. We were shielded by the garage, in my house. I could feel her hesitating to move out of her seat, so I had to urge her when I started climbing down the driver's side.

"Come on." I said, calculating her expression. "Don't worry, we'll just pick up some change of clothes and then I could get you that beer I promised you."

She was still on her seat when I opened her door, I don't normally open doors for girls, that was how rude I am, I mean, it was the 20th century and girls nowadays need no pampering to feel special, I always believed they can handle themselves and by letting anyone help them with anything they would just admit their weakness over men, or so I thought.

I led the way to the third floor where my room is. It wasn't the first time I have snuck a girl in the house, but that night, it was different, it felt different. I was excited, I was elated, but there was some kind of heaviness in my overwhelming excitement, like I needed to be cautious because someone knows I would be doing something nasty again. Shrugging the thought, I rounded on the entrance of my room, waiting for Bella to find her footing near the door.

She was undoubtedly mesmerized by the huge house, her eyes jumped from one corner to the other; a smile of awe was in her lips. Marks of our wet soles adorned the shiny wooden floor, her wet dress dripped relentlessly from where she was standing, it was a joy to watch her clasp on the blue hoodie near her breasts while her soaked wings were hanging on her shoulder.

"You have a very beautiful house," she said, smiling right back at me as I held the door to my room. "Your parents must have taken care of it so much, it's adorable."

Heaving huge amounts of air, trying not to think of the fact that the last time I saw her was there inside my room too…in my dreams, I hurried to the doors of my closet to find some change of clothes. But I could not find anything that could fit her. All I have was a shirt that might fit her, other than that; there isn't anything that she could wear out if we're going to party somewhere.

"For the record, I don't live with my parents, they live with me…" I said as I went out of the closet holding a shirt and a white bathrobe. "Here, change into these first…They have transferred the name of this place to me, kind of like heirloom." Looking away from her face I handed her the robe and the shirt. "I would have your dress dried up so we can still go out for your beer."

Bella got up from the couch she had seated but she didn't get the pieces of clothes I was offering her, instead she moved toward me, so close I could smell that sweet scent coming out of her. I had to look away, I have been fighting this flesh urges since I saw her paraded herself in front of me, and I know I would snap any moment.

She knew what I was thinking; I felt her icy cold hand pried my face back to her so I would be looking down straightly to her. Her eyes twinkled from the intermittent lightning in the sky that bounces from the floor to ceiling glass window of my room. Her fingers run slowly on the stubble in my jaw, it felt like a cold serrated knife was trying to cut my numb skin.

Bella was lost in whatever trail of thoughts she was having, her eyes seemed to jump from one impertinent detail of my face to another. And the huge metal link I tried to use to hinder my fleshly calling suddenly broke and let me loose seeing her lips parted showing the tips of her teeth.

My hands clasped almost instinctively at the nape of her neck, drawing her closer to me as I heaved for breath. Her body though felt really cold emitted some kind of warmth. And as we gave in to the pull of our desires I felt a rush of something sizzling inside of me.

Our lips met, it was one, two three times tiny smacks, and then it grew hungrier and more ardent, more passionate. One long wet passionate kiss and I was dropped directly from heaven to hell or the other way around, whatever it is. I was the one who broke off to the sweetest kiss I have ever had in my entire life, bar none.

Bella had her eyes still close when I moved a little farther from her face; her wet lips still bear the sign of our heated kiss.

"We don't have to do this…" I said, slightly coming from the deepest pits of my vocal chords. "I mean…I don't…I wanted to…but, you should…" I began to stutter because she was pushing me with her body toward the bed, until there was nothing but the edge of the bed and I have no other choice but to sit.

She climbed on top of me, while I sat there looking like a total stupid dog watching while his master open a can of dog food, I kind of feel like my tongue was actually lolling. I was in full erection the moment her clothed center dropped on my still wet pants. Her wet white dress clasping tightly on her body did nothing but tease me even more.

I could feel the undeniable longing she has for me, her giggles became sexier as she wrapped her fingers on my soaked hair, probably feeling my very much angry penis.

"Bella…."

My mouth murmured the same way as I did that night. I was totally lost with the memory of that first night in my room that I found myself laying my head on the desk of the wooden table I was just sitting into. I had to put my arm on top of my already grown manhood, afraid that someone who might happen to be walking around or behind me in the school's lawn might see my Johnson high and mighty. But as I close my eyes willing myself to travel more on that memory, I felt heaviness in my chest, the same feeling I had on that very moment, following the scene where Bella provokingly tugged my long soaked hair near her breasts.

I had my hands running up and down her back coming from up her neck down to her thighs that were splayed on either of my sides. We were both breathing hard and I know our emotions became stronger as we stared on each others' eyes.

My eyes caught a sight of that lock of curly hair hanging on her nape, and like a nagging memory in my head, my dream about her the last time I saw her here in my room came rushing back at me. I stared completely out of myself on the beads of pearls on top of her hair like a headband placed across the width of her head. I began thumbing the beads which turned out to be clips that held up her hair in place, I reluctantly pulled them one by one causing wet and dripping tousled curly hair to drop on her nape.

"Your hair…" I murmured, with the same aroused voice, "It's curly…have they always…"

She shook her head vigorously, letting each and every strand to hang loose. And I was undeniably expecting her hair to fall down the floor like in my dream, and…and something else, something else I cannot fathom that I knew is going to happen...like in my dream.

* * *

_*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	7. Chapter 5 Trickles of Silver Beads

**CHAPTER 5 – Trickles of Silver Beads**

* * *

But aside from the scent that hit me and my already sensitive senses, nothing out of the ordinary happened. I must have had a very weird expression decorated my face because Bella's eyes fluttered in mere confusion of why am I acting so strange. Well, being nice to her was strange enough for me.

I could feel her rugged breathing hitting my face as she run her fingers on my hair, pulling my long bangs to cover the side of my face. "You look so sexy with this long hair…young and oozing with sex appeal..." she mumbled, her voice is so low and full of desire. "Did you know that?"

My head was full of everything uncontrollable, I was specifically concerned on trying to not to push her down my bed and fuck her right there and then. "Huh?…" was all I could say.

"You are mine tonight, Edward Cullen…mine." Bella muttered behind my ears as she began planting butterfly kisses on my neck.

Her hands snaked inside my shirt, her nails scraped on my wet skin running it on my chest down to my belly button, over and over. Her lips, her sinful lips were starting to go back and forth both my ears, with her tongue stroking in circles every skin it came in contact with.

Audible ohhs and ahhs were all over my room trying to compete with the angry rain. It didn't even matter to me if my parents would hear us, not that they haven't, before. My whole body tingled with sensation awakening every nerve I have that was still sleeping, if there still was any, and by what I can remember, they were pretty much all awake and functioning well. The rhythm of our body movements synced, touching and feeling each others' presence.

My hands found an opening through the hem of her dress and traveled inside running slowly at her thighs, touching her supple skin until I reached her buttocks. My eyes were closed tight savoring the sensation of the moment but it didn't stop me from imagining how her body will look when she's already naked.

Bella hastily pulled my shirt off my head, I had to let go of her butt for a moment to give way to the dripping hem of my shirt. Through the dim light of my room, I could see that her face was masked with utter longing, it was almost beaming. She was biting her lip as her hands rounded up my skin again.

I moved to find the zipper of her dress but she was faster than me, she reached for the zipper at her side and while she had the mischievous smile playing in her lips, she had her eyes closed while her face was turned to her side. I had my hands pulled her dress in no time the moment she had turned her face back toward me.

My mouth watered as the vision of her naked body ushered the faint light of my room. Both my hands raced to touch and feel the soft peaks of her breasts sending me electric shocks together with my already aching desire.

Bella had her back arched toward me; her head flailed back as her body slowly moved together with the stroke of my hands. Soon my mouth was all over her kissing her on her neck, my tongue swirling circles down to the valley between her bosom.

Half of my face was covered with my long bangs that kept on falling down despite of being sticky from the rainwater, but Bella managed to salvaged me the annoyance I was in with my hair. She had it tightly wrapped in her fingers, pulling it hard, as I continued my exploration that had come to the peaks of her soft breasts.

I could feel the scraping of her fingers on my neck as I tried to pry her nipples with my tongue, flicking and stroking it vigorously; my mouth danced from the music her moans were making. I was good in multi-tasking, so as I seemed to be very busy tasting her boobs, my hands were already sliding down the path of her ass, inside her tiny satin-ish piece of undergarment.

But my hands can only reach a lot, so I hastily turned her around through her tiny waist until she was lying on her back at the edge of my bed. But she quickly sat down and with her pouted lips she hurried in unbuckling my pants and they were down the floor in no time, my boxers together inside it.

I heard her snickered and as I looked and hold her gaze I noticed her lips were parted, her eyes fluttered and she was heavily breathing. I know I could not wait any longer, my head was painfully screaming that I had to have her, both of my two heads. Slowly moving closer to her on top of my bed, I never removed my sight on her very pretty and somewhat glowing face. She scooted back further the bed, and we were giggling together as we played predator and prey, until she had nowhere to go, restricted by the wooden board of my bed.

Excited for the kill sort of, I hurriedly pulled her body towards me, my fingers burying on her very soft ass. Her body was so tiny and skinny that just by putting a little strength on my movements I had her whole groin ending up just inches on my face.

My hands have mind of its own easing toward her belly further down to her personal space feeling it throbbed and slick from her arousal. Of course that whirled me more than I am already spinning and I suddenly found myself all too ready to plunge inside her.

Good thing she was quick on pushing me through my chest to remind me of putting on a protection because the moment I was on top of her I was already ushering my aching penis on her entrance. Sullenly pulling the drawer of my night table causing the whole furniture to topple down and its entire condom contents on the floor, I grabbed one of it and impatiently shoved it on my erected and angry penis.

Bella was lying on her back, obviously waiting for me enthusiastically with her legs spread wide apart on either side of my thighs. The soft glow of the yellowish light in my room seemed to accentuate every detail of her body. Her breasts looked more plumped as she fondled its nipples with the tips of her fingers painted in blood red nail polish.

Kneeling down between her legs, I slowly lowered my body down to hers. I had to control my urges or I would have not enjoyed that night at all. Unhurriedly, I showered her face and the back of her neck with lots of kisses, small ones that made her giggle, pushing her body nearer mine.

The jutted nipples of her breasts poked me like dull ice picks, keeping me well heated with boiling blood pumping.

My name was lost in a sea of moans softly exiting her lips, her fingers kept on running down my hair and my nape. I found her lips with mine, playing inside it with my tongue, I could feel her hunger and desire from the warm tug and pull of her tongue with my own.

I could not even remember how I was able to finally get my amucking penis inside her wet and slimy tunnel. All I knew was I was trying to break loose from Bella's teeth biting my lips, painfully. My body contracted from each in and out motion I made inside of her.

Our moans of gratified desires echoed on every corner of my room trying to drown the relentless rain. I could feel every stroke of Bella's fingers on my neck down to my back; her mouth nibbled my ears and licked my neck occasionally biting them as my ravishing movements inside her became more ardent and harder.

She slipped her body on my side to be on top of me, doing the thrusting while I lie on my back, swimming on my own flaming arousal. She had her hands on my chest, burying them in it in every thrust she made. I had my hands on her hips guiding it, pushing forcibly down on my erection and helping her achieve her orgasms as her movements became erratic and pressured. She was thrashing her head back, occasionally she'd put her hands on her own breasts and her lips were loudly muttering words of something that I could not even understand. My vision of her was somewhat distorted, I remember. It's like she was glowing so bright, that the edges of her body especially her face seemed to break into rays around the room.

Driving my thoughts away from Bella and her orgasm, I focused my eyes instead on my white wall from my far right and entertained myself on the silhouette of Bella flailing her hair back as she excitedly humped up and down my dick.

She fell down my body suddenly and bit part of my chest painfully as she pumped the last of her rather obvious intense orgasm. I quickly pulled her down the bed not letting her in any way have me pull my penis out of her slippery organ. I shoved it harder inside her, making her jolt and scream.

"Fuckkk!" Bella cried loudly, her voice lost its sparkle and was sounding angry. "Fuck me!"

I need no encouragement from her, it felt fucking good reaching the end of her tunnel, so warm from her juices and I knew she felt ecstatic too, so I made a steady rhythm of pushing it harder inside and pulling the whole length of my manhood out of her only to shove it further and with greater force.

Oh she loved that shit; she was laughing and screaming in joy, feeling every hard jab I made inside her. She had her eyes firmly shut, and her lips smudged out of lipstick dried from every scream she made. Her hands made nonsense push and pull of my body away and toward her, her blond hair was all over the blue pillow, a sheer contrast of the color of her hair and her skin.

My ears became deaf on my own exclamations of ecstasy; profanities of all sorts flew all around me. I could feel her walls tightening, gripping my angry penis that suddenly felt gigantic to me. My head was swirling, so lost in an ocean of bliss that sex and alcohol together have always gave me.

And then I felt my whole body spasm, tiny cells of my wholeness quivered and I knew I was in a brink of coming. I made my thrust harder yet more immediate, Bella knew I was coming, she pulled me closer to her with one of her hand cupped on my butt as the other was buried at the back of my neck.

And then I came. It was just like the many other uncountable times, burning sensation of something expelling from your body, my toes curling from the tingle it made, and just like my whole body was full of tiny little things buzzing around, numbing my entirety like I was for a moment floating on a silently flowing river. Bliss.

As I finished off all my seeds spilling out of my throbbing penis, I had my head buried on her sweaty neck and the smell of her skin kind of made the difference. I couldn't exactly describe it, something like those things embedded in your consciousness yet the moment you tried to pick them from your thoughts you come up blank.

My head was throbbing from pain afterward, kind of what's the effect on me of orgasming while intoxicated with liquor. I felt limp and heavy and very tired on top of her. Bella managed to slid from under me, giggling softly on my ears.

"You seemed to have had a very good time, Mr. Cullen." Bella murmured on my ears, her warm breath tickling my still sensitive skin. "That was a great sex Edward."

I felt Bella snuggling beside my dead weight body. My consciousness was being lulled by the rain drops that had lessened to a mere soft tap on the glass walls.

"No…" I muttered with a very raspy voice, "You are great."

I tried so hard to keep my eyes open, but with Bella's almost humming breath near my ears and her fingers softly running up and down on the length of my hair down the base of my neck, I found sleep so fucking annoyingly inviting.

It wasn't how I wanted that union to end, I wanted to talk, I wanted to know more about her. I have a lot of questions to ask her, it was odd to me, but after dating one girl after the other, I felt weirdly attached to her, considering we just met and talked more personal than the last time.

"Edward…" Bella murmured almost with as soft as a cotton voice. It felt like she was inside my head, talking to me in an angelic voice. But after I responded with a very faint sound I could not even remember what, my world came to a halt.

I heard nothing but the rhythmic sound of the rain drops…I saw nothing but the beads of silver trickling down the glass racing to the bottom like tiny little snakes.

Darkness was all over me, but it wasn't like the usual darkness that comes whenever I black out, it was not scary darkness. If there is such a thing as colorful darkness, that must be it.

_

* * *

*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	8. Chapter 6 Batshit Painful Red Streaks

**CHAPTER 6 – Bat-shit Painful Red Streaks

* * *

**

You know that feeling when you wake up and your eyes are still tightly closed and your body yearns for more sleep yet your head's already screaming for you to wake up because there was something for you to be excited about?

That was what I exactly felt after that night. I kept on tossing around my bed, and I knew even with my eyes closed that I needed to get up because someone, probably still naked, is lying beside me. I was so excited. Well that wouldn't be the first time I would wake up with someone naked in my chaotic bed and almost always, I feel so hurried to get up because I needed to send whoever it was out of the house before morning comes or I would be in deep shit with my parents. But that day, I was just actually in a hurry to see her, Bella in my bed, naked or not, it didn't matter to me. I was ecstatic, and it was a different kind of excitement.

But all of my angels and butterflies and everything magical excitement quickly faded when as I turned my awfully tangled body in the bed spread, there was no one else on top of the bed but my naked ass. I sat on the bed, searching for any evidence that I have been once again dreaming last night.

The brown curtain was both on the side of the glass wall giving me full view of the gloomy weather outside, the glass still has beads of rain that hasn't dried yet, and the rain must have just stopped. It looked more of near-twilight even though my clock only reads two in the afternoon. I noticed nothing in disordered condition that was out of the ordinary, there's the gray shirt I was wearing the other night on the floor and beside it was my phone but aside from that and the thrown pillows on the carpet, the twisted bed sheets, and the sagging down bed comforter there was nothing else on the floor.

Usually when I bring a woman in the house for sex, my room always end up like it has been hopped on by a tornado, there would be broken glasses, spilt beer in the couch, used condom on the floor, half eaten take outs, and left over underwear.

But that afternoon, the order in my room made me sullenly grumble out of my bed cursing loudly at the top of my lungs. I felt so fucking insane that a girl like Bella, who would normally not even register in my head, was messing up my dreams like that.

I rushed to the toilet feeling the urge to piss like hell, picking up my phone on my way. I sent a quick text message to Seth to see me in Starbucks in downtown beach, the last thing I wanted in a very gloomy day is to stay indoors and think of everything that's going on in my head, unsure if I am just hallucinating or I am really going crazy.

Hopping in the tub, the moment the hot drizzling water of the shower head hit my head, I felt a sting in my neck, one and then two and then it became unbearable like tiny pricks of thousands of needles in my neck. I quickly jumped out of the shower and into the mirror to have a look of what could have happen in my neck to be that unbearably painful. But I actually have a pretty good idea what was causing me that pain, and I knew I was smiling even before I stood in the mirror all butt naked.

Strips of red ran down my neck, raised streaks some with skin peeled adorned my chest; and several bites on my shoulders couldn't be hidden utterly contrasted on my pale skin. My lips were swollen and kind of out of its usual shape from a bite in the corner. It made me wonder in amusement what the fuck had happened the night before that I had multiple lacerations on my body. I must have enjoyed that rough sex.

At least I knew it was not a dream at all, unless I scratched and bit myself out of idiocy and craziness.

Feeling bouncy, showering was just a blur, and in few more minutes I was already confidently walking on the strip of downtown beach along the breathtaking view of the ocean on its side, it's called The Walk, named appropriately because you will think twice of using your car, with the nice view around you, girls strutting in beachwear included. I immediately saw Seth sipping on a tall white mug of Starbucks. Ushering me forward, his hand motioned something I did not understand automatically not until a hard punch made me lost my balance and almost fell down the bricked pavement.

It was Jared, coming from one of the shops that lined up the sides of the sloping road. Both his hands were still tightly rolled into fist and ready to blow another punch any minute. I rolled the sleeves of my shirt and began bouncing on the balls of my feet like a moron, waiting to catch his next move.

"Now show me what you've got Cullen!" He yelled rubbing his nose shortly with the back of his hand like he had some sweat dripping on it, "You don't fuck with me!"

I had to quickly move or my face will be a punch bag with his precise punches, in contrast with mine, it didn't even go near his face. After a few more seconds of display of our distasteful boxing, my head ended up inside a tight clutch between his biceps. Jared was choking me, twisting my head back and forth as one of his hands ruffled my hair relentlessly.

"You're a pussy Edward!" he sniggered, "You stand nothing to me but a pussy. Look at your hair…such a girl."

Jared pushed me free from his clutch and as I tried to refocus my moves, he all but swayed his body to impress and scare me. Well it worked, I surrendered. And to anyone looking who was just a passerby, one might think we were actually fighting, but we're not. Jared loves playing hulk the almighty to all of us, after all he's a football varsity, what the fuck could we do against him.

Walking towards Seth who was shaking his head in amusement praising, once again, how limp I am against Jared, I was tucked inside Jared's arms like I was a girl and he was my boyfriend. I already knew what to hear even before I sat on the chair in front of Seth.

"Dude!" I remember the comical expression Seth had on his face, his eyes almost jumped out of its hatch. "What the fuck?!"

Words of different expressions and meaning flew all around me, and I could not even remember what exactly they were, all I know is that, they were all laughing in amazement of how battered I looked.

"Did you just mate with a cougar?" Jared, of course is unforgettable in his comments. "You look like a zebra with all those stripes in your body!!!"

They were ecstatic, making fun of me. But I could not say anything because the truth is, I might not remember everything that had happened the night before, but I knew I have enjoyed it so much, something I could not forget, I just bed Bella, and that thought is enough for me.

"How was she?" Embry excitedly asked quirking his eyebrows, it looked rather grossly indecent, spilling most of the coffee in his mouth. "Is she like…growling? Howling?"

His coffee spilt more when Jared pushed him away from the table, trying to steal the moment. But Embry wouldn't just let Jared boss him, he said something like "get off your high horse fucker", which made them start smacking each others' head.

I was left with thankfully a quiet yet knowing Seth. He had his eyes twinkling, and I knew what he was thinking, I was happy. And I was.

He didn't say any word about my night with Bella; instead he asked what have I told Heidi, because apparently, he saw her that morning in the park while he's walking his dog. I was scouring my head of what must I have said to Heidi in my text when I heard my name being muttered excitedly with a voice as high pitched as the old woman witch's voice in the children's book about a girl with dwarf buddies.

Heidi.

She was walking past our table, the sound of her stilettos were almost like rhythmic tapping of drums. Her long blond hair was draped on her shoulder down until her back; her creamy skin sparkled from the faint sunlight against the color of her dark checkered polo and black high boots.

She stopped right in front of us, turning her head right away from Jared who suddenly stopped trying to catch Embry. "You never came…" she cooed, she almost purred, running her long fingers on my arms, "I waited for you…"

But as her eyes landed on my scratches, her lips twitched, she must have understood that the reason why I wasn't with her is because I was being mauled by a bear or something, in bed. But instead of being pissed off, she let her hands wander until it reached my swollen lips.

"I would never do that to you Honey…" she said, batting her lashes. "We could have the wildest sex ever, but I won't leave you with marks like that…so…barbaric…" She muttered, balking for a moment to think of the last word she said. Hah, must be very hard for this shit.

Heidi's voice was irritating, I don't know if it was just because I despise the fact that she's insulting Bella or just because she was being blond, once again.

Jared saved me the energy to say something untoward.

"Hey Heids, what are you wearing?" He snickered like a maniac. "Did you just came out of your boyfriend's house and forgot you're wearing his sleeves?"

Jared was talking about the checkered long sleeve shirt that Heidi was wearing like a tunic. He was just being an ass because he knew for a fact that that was a woman's shirt. But that didn't annoy Heidi, she was cool as always, I think that is a cheerleader thing.

She bit her lips, and leaned forward near me, leaving her ass just right in front of Jared's pallid face. "It could have been your shirt Edward," she muttered suggestively, almost as soft as a whisper. The scent of her strawberry lipstick blew right in my face, that I, just an ordinary horny man was not able to let pass. Well, her zealousness was working on me, especially with the view of her tits right in front of me, but before I could leave my eyes on her front, she straightened up hastily and turned to Jared. Apparently, the poor and unappreciated hottest jock in school pinched a part of her butt. We are pervert men, alright.

It was a hilarious scene seeing Jared explained to Heidi against her fury that he was just saying hi to the cheeks of her showing butt. They were bickering as I alternated laughing and eating. Jared loves to tease Heidi, they're from the same team after all, they see each other on games, and unfortunately Jared never had the chance to take Heidi home, or even just in his car.

And then Heidi turned to me again, asking me to walk her to her car throwing a meaningful look on the numerous shopping bags she'd put on the pavement. But I think Jared's cockiness was really intense that day, and by what I have overheard he poked a finger on her pussy. Ah the anger of Heidi, she threw the muffin she'd snatched on Seth's hands right on a laughing Jared and then she grabbed his hair pulling it crazily like she was just having a girl fight.

I knew how upset Heidi was, she was screaming amid the laughter of the boys and so I decided to meddle and pull her away from Jared. She protested of course but she liked that I was half carrying her away from the table with the heavy shopping bags on my other arm.

"Baby, you should try and shag me instead," Jared managed to yell as he smoothen his messy hair. "That dude is overused!"

Heidi yelled back something that suggested she's very much appalled of Jared's pigheadedness and then swayed her hips back and forth teasing Jared and the guys as they howled and bellowed. Her car was parked at the other end of the block. It was a whole stretch of shops for food groceries and high end products. On the other side of the street, just by the shoreline were apartment buildings and mansions that belonged to the most pampered people.

"Drive me home?" Heidi said with a hint of suggestion, her eyes following the movements of her fingers as it run on the t-shirt that I wore inside my buttoned down shirt. I planned to decline, but the way she moved her body toward me made me say otherwise.

So I ended up inside her cool truck.

It was dark inside, the tint of her car made it look like the sun had already set. I knew driving her home was just an excuse. She doesn't need no driving. And I was right, the moment I have started the engine and turned the air-con on, her hand started running to my thighs, up and down until I shivered.

I am just human.

There was nothing new to me fucking Heidi or anyone else inside my car or their car, in my decade of experience getting it down with girls; it's like a normal thing for me to do.

So it happened. It all started with fingers on my thighs, and the next I knew, she was humping on me in the driver's seat. I like Heidi and moments like those with her, she's wild alright, but she never scraped me with her motherfucking long nails. And instead of loud moans, words of delight and encouragement often fills the air, making me more aroused and eager to fuck her to hell's extent.

She had long hair with a smell of a million candies; her rocking body is so rocking you can't even get hold of her love handles. I think it's because of her cheer-leading, I mean who doesn't get lean if all you do is jump and raise your legs up high, not to mention round up on all those huge jocks.

Anyway, it's a familiar sex with Heidi, she and I were never a couple, but we do have sex every once in a while, especially when she gets hold of me, which is like every week. I knew where to touch her; her perky boobs were a couple more bigger than my hands but she liked it a lot when I put pressure on her nipples while I bite them. She cusses even louder if I let her fall on my dick harder as I guide her hips going up and down me; and she loves it when I sweat my whole body off, in fact she loves rubbing my slimy skin with whatever is unclothed on her body. She must love sweaty guys so much.

So I was right, she doesn't need a driver back to her house, because after we're done shagging, she tossed me out like a half-eaten corn dog, well not really, but it kind of feels like it most of the time, and that day is not any better. But that was fine with me, after all I am all about sex too, so it didn't matter to me, in fact I came out with my hands on my pockets whistling as I made my way back to the same spot I left my friends.

But Bella was there.

Inside a frosted window with a sign that read bookstore, she was standing in a queue at the cashier, I knew I could not be mistaken that it was her because she glanced at me for a fraction of a second and I saw her face, those sublimely lit face with eyes that appeared rather darker sort of flickered in the smudged window.

Of course I couldn't just walked right up to her and say _hey how are you doing, I just had sex with Heidi just after the night we had a wonderful wildest of the wild sex. _Well I could actually do that, it wouldn't have mattered to me to be so imbecile on girls I had sex with, I have always been thick to lots of girls, I mean why would I care when I am just a piece of stick to them too.

But I did not, I chickened out, I thought she must have seen me all straddled and fucking burning in hell inside Heidi's car which is parked just right outside the bookstore. I walked with my head down back to Starbucks where I met dozens of cuss and exclamations from Seth, Embry and Jared.

I am a fucking asshole, with a great appetite for sex. You wouldn't think I will ever love or have loved anyone else in my entire life.

* * *

_*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	9. Chapter 7 Rub it on the Books

**CHAPTER 7 – Rub it on the Books

* * *

**

Overly excited arms wrapped me suddenly, fingers running like tiny butterflies in my stomach. I jumped out of confusion and startled, I was in deep concentration of my memories I never even realized that Bella was already behind me.

"Hey," her soft voice tickled the back of my neck, "what are you doing out here in the heat sleeping on that filthy table?"

I had my head down on my arms as I lay it on the table, I must have been half sleeping. Good thing I have had only the background of the laptop on, or she might have seen what I have been trying to blog about.

"Oh…you were blogging again huh?" She snickered, easing her way beside me on the bench where I sat. She hurriedly rolled her fingers on the mouse pad, "hmm, what is it this time?"

I quickly slammed the top of my battered gadget and hastily turned my body toward her, pulling her attention away from my computer. "It's nothing…" I mumbled holding both her arms on my hands. "Let's have lunch."

Bella raised her eyebrow with that childlike expression on her face, "It isn't about me?" She said with a very low grumble.

"Oh it's about you alright," I quickly muttered holding up her gaze, "but you'd read it when it's done."

She opened her mouth to protest, but I have already put my thumb on top of her red and soft lips to stop her from saying something else.

"It has always been about you Babe," I sighed with a smile reassuring her, "ever since…you know that."

Bella batted her lashes; her green eyes twinkled from the ray of sunlight seeping on the canopy of trees we were under. And after a few seconds of wordless exchange of affection, she smiled that shy smile that has always melted my heart, every time.

I felt my heart twinge, like something minute yet very important vein suddenly became very active. "How's my angel?" I murmured looking straightly on her eyes while I brushed the side of her cheek with the back of my hand. "You look kinda…stressed. I'm sorry last night."

She shook my hands from her arms, letting it slide on her skin bared of sleeves, until she caught it with both her hands. I couldn't help a smile of awe from crawling my lips, most of these days we barely see each other, and whenever we're lucky to have moments like these my feelings become more and more intense and pronounced.

"I am not your angel…" She slumped on her seat, loosening her grip on my hands.

I tucked a wayward hair on her ears, squinting for a moment when the rays of the sun hit the stones of her earring. "Alright…alright," I said smiling. "How's my baby? You are not taking your medicines…again."

Bella doesn't like me calling her my angel, because she said, angels were suppose to save someone from not just evil but everything that could hurt that someone, and according to her, she's been doing otherwise for the last two years.

She doesn't know how I feel of course. She could have known how important she is to me, but she really could not accept the fact, the reality that she really saved me…from myself, my destructive ways my happy-go-lucky-come-what-may old self. She just always keep on saying she does not deserve a guy like me, kinda ironic isn't it, because I myself thought I never deserved to be gifted a girl like her.

"I am in so much stress right now," she mumbled running her fingers on my arms, giving me chills that shoot right up the base of my neck. "Even the pills hardly help."

"I am sorry last night," she added, her lips curling into deep emotions of being really sorry. "I just...I don't know..." She trailed as she kept on shaking her head.

"Hey...I am the one who should be apologizing," I quickly muttered, raising up her chin so she would be looking at me, directly. "I know you're tired and I just made it worse last night."

She picked up the hand I have put in her chin, wrapping it back to her hands, the warmth of her touch makes it easier to understand that we have once again patched the misunderstanding we had the night before.

I was supposed to come to her house last night, for a visit. We hardly see each other even in school. The approaching end of the school year is making us apart more than what I could take. Yes we talk on the phone but it isn't enough for me to just hear her voice. Jared would often tease me of being insane because in a day I would have called her every hour, and that is like more or less 24 times. Bella's friends were also kind of pissed off on me calling me names, and I know, even Bella never liked that I always check on her.

But Bella wasn't in her house. I waited for a good 4 hours or so in her porch, under the blanket of sweat and humidity drowning on the sweet scent of the ocean behind her house as I tried every games I have in my cell phone just to not to fall asleep. It was almost one in the morning when I suddenly awoke from warm whoosh of air that I've realized I have fallen asleep right on her porch's stairs.

We've been together for two years and you might think I have moved in together with her or have the keys to her house the least, but no, she made it clear she doesn't want that kind of shit. We barely even make love nowadays.

She never returned my calls the whole night, and it was only early this morning that she finally answered my maybe thousandth phone call. "My phone was in silent, I didn't notice," she said with a rough voice, and being the obsessed and possessive lover that my friends call me, I flipped and started nagging her.

I mean, who wouldn't be angry from waiting all night for a phone call? I was worried sick that something bad could have happened to her and I have no chance of knowing where to get hold of her. I didn't have the phone number of her friends nor of her family, and I hate that I was already contemplating of asking my father for Mr. Swan's home address.

Bella, being the self-righteous that she is, of course, defended herself causing us to clash, ending our conversation that hasn't even gone to a minute with a bang and a dead-tone. I felt utterly sorry the moment the busy tone sank into me, I was a jerk for ruining a conversation once again, and I was left with nothing but a chance to send her SMS and voice mails.

I tried sending her all the throbbing emotions I have inside of me, begging her to forgive me for being so rude and insensitive. I was so ready to do everything to please her, to show rue and love to the extent that I would forget any ill feelings I was having. It was unfair of her to just leave me hanging, but love doesn't dwell on things like those.

Hardly had sleep I showed up feeling gloomy in the dining room for breakfast. Dad was there of course and so as Mom. They knew I had a fight with Bella, and just as what happens every time, my morning was colored with opinions I never want to hear. "You are suffocating her."

Good thing I've received a reply from the so many messages I have sent to Bella, a simple "see you later" made up for all the sadness and anger that were boiling me up, it redeemed me instantly, turning me back to my joy and excitement from finally being able to find the ring that would seal our relationship. I hope.

Sighing inwardly, "I have become my worst nightmare, a boyfriend," I thought silently.

"Come on let's eat," I stood up picking up my laptop from the table, "so you can have some of your pills."

I hopped up and down the bench and offered her my hand which she gladly accepted and use as leverage to go up in the bench and then on climbing behind my back.

We walked across the vast greenery of the schools lawn with her hanging on my back like a monkey. She was giggling behind my ears, mumbling about how her day went. I cut beeline toward the cafeteria all the while making small conversations with her. But what actually was running in my head is my excitement about the ring I just bought. I knew she'd be shocked, so much more shocked than probably any other woman, she's just graduating college, but just as Seth have said, we don't need to work to live, we've got our family's fortune, I'll run ours she'll run theirs. And by the looks of it, we might be in the same company for all I know. I don't need to wait for the right moment to marry her; all I need is the right moment to ask her.

Even before Bella's friends called her from their usual table spot in the cafeteria, I knew they would be frowning when they see me. They used to like me, one of them, Jane, strawberry blond hair, tight ass, even used to hit on me, but as years passed they became suddenly fed off of me, I don't know.

Embry and Jared were in the far corner of the room, near the window. They have become Bella's friends' enemy too, sort of. Well that would be totally of their own fault, Jared was and always been so insolent and well Embry could go maniacal and demented with being a nerd; think about a lustful brainiac, it's often disgusting.

"Hey," I mumbled softly putting her down, running my fingers on her ruffled sleek straight hair, "why don't you go seat with them, and I will get you your lunch?"

"Edward, you don't..." she protested shaking her head, she knew that it would be a pain for me to eat lunch with her girlfriends as it often was, "it's fine with me, I can sit with your…friends." She added tilting her body slowly to glance at the table near the window.

She started batting her lashes again, she must have seen something disgusting in my friends' table, I mental noted to ask Jared what the fuck did he do again. A small smile played in the corner of her lips, hesitating for a moment before she spoke again, "…or maybe we could sit away from both of them."

I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, but I really did not care sitting with her bitch friends, well at least not now, not today that I just fixed a hole in our relationship. I smiled my most convincing smile, shaking my head, "No, it's fine, really. I will be right there in a minute." I babbled against a silent laughter carefully pushing her butt toward the center of the room where her friends await.

"Oh love, what have you done…?" I silently hummed Jared's usual annoying little jingle for me as I made my way bouncing on my toes toward the food counter.

I got Bella her favorite lunch, a concoction of different colors of vegetables topped with strips of chicken, and I can't still help wonder what the fuck is the nutrition one can get from leaves. Motioning for Jared and Embry to follow me over the girls' tables, winking inconspicuously, I eased behind the noisy people carefully. I mean, if I am going to feed myself to the lions it would only be fair to drop some bears in their den, right?

"Aww, your manny bought you your favorite," I heard Jane mumbled rather loudly for a whisper she'd been trying to make on Bella.

"Shut up!" Bella whispered back, readable on her gnawed jaws. They decided to call me her man nanny several months ago after we officially got together. Because according to the very dumb yet acting so intellectual Jane, I do everything for Bella even the things I am not supposed to, like a total caretaker.

Bella managed to face me with a smile, like nothing happened. She was just trying to make me feel welcome, oh I know that, I am so fucking attuned with her moods but I know between me and her friends, her friends won't win an inch. I think.

Jane started blabbering, as the four of us started eating. And again she was on her usual inanity talking so elementary about a topic in Economics, law and economics to be exact, and I was already in the verge of spitting my cola through my nose from silent laughing. If this was some two years ago, I could have been so rude to her, but because Bella loves her friends, and she had once asked me not to be boorish around them, I tried very hard to ignore them. It's like talking to a dozen Jared, only this one has boobs.

"I think it's "A legal rule is Kaldor-Hicks efficient if it could be made Pareto efficient by some parties compensating oth--."" I hesitantly muttered, almost to my breath being unable to keep to myself.

And I was right of what to expect, Jane rolled her blue eyes on me cutting me off of what I was saying, "who asked you Cullen?" she spitefully mumbled and then turned her attention to Leah who was just as dumb listening to her. She said something under her breath that read to me as "fucking asshole".

"You know…that's just isn't fair," I muttered so fast even Bella's quick strangle-like grip in my thigh wasn't able to hold me back, "what the fuck…have I ever done to you, Jane?"

She stiffened from her seat; her face still turned toward Leah seemed to have paled. I have never been so rude to Bella's friends before; I tried not to at least, and maybe, just maybe by my having to finally speak up and give Jane a taste of how crude I am, she would finally realize she wouldn't want to fuck with me.

I could feel my blood boiling; I never had to deal with bitches before, most of the time bitches were my friends, whores and bitches. But something on my relationship with Bella had pissed off Jane so much that I think was the fact that Bella wasn't like any of the girls I've dated, flings that come and go.

"You know--," I continued, and I could feel Bella's piercing stare on my side and the tight grip on my thigh, she so desperately want me to stop arguing with Jane, but I am already so fired up that I don't think I could even find the will to stop.

"Hey girls…" Jared loudly muttered, hurriedly sitting between Leah and Jane.

"Hi Leah," Embry almost chokingly said as he found his seat beside Leah.

Thankfully they've arrived, finally, saved me from having to rip Jane's heart out. I rolled my eyes inwardly, letting out a loud sigh as I picked up a French fry sullenly.

I felt Bella's hand eased out, patting my thigh like she's trying to calm me like a baby squealing. I think I am going to explode, first my concern was taken for granted by my girlfriend last night, and now this; she let me swallow my pride, boiling hot and whole. I am beginning to doubt my gauge on her friendship versus our relationship.

Focusing my attention around me, I let myself wander around, losing on the different buzzing of voices. I continued munching the fries that were left on my plate, I could feel every gnaw my jaws made on the crunchy potato. The air is thick with the scent of the food being cooked at the back of the food counter, the sound of high pitched laughter of the girls and booming voices of the guys somewhat calmed and let me forget that I was a moment ago fuming in anger.

Jared was talking animatedly with Jane and Bella, and for a moment I heard myself expelled air loudly, "I never thought his cockiness could find a place on Jane's smaller than a pea head and Bella's picky taste," I thought to myself. Embry and Leah however were almost touching heads talking about something very discreetly like they were the only ones around.

"…so when you get to the library…" I overheard Embry whispering to Leah who was leaning so close to Embry you would think she's interested with my nerdy friend.

My eyes suddenly blurred, a tunnel like vision took me away from where I was, and just as quick as a blink of an eye, I was instantly brought to a huge shiny brown table with students sitting at either side.

The central library.

It was where old books and references you couldn't get from the internet were. Many students of different colleges flock here, not just because it was the central library but being the biggest library in the whole of the university, it has everything from the current newspaper to the internet and the oldest of all references and books.

That time, it has been several months since that night I had sex with Bella in my house scathing me in every skin visible to almost everyone. I never saw her again.

Well I did actually, from the very quick glance I had with her in the parking lot where I fucked Heidi, I saw Bella the following week at the parking lot. Seth was helping Embry on one of his assignments while Jared and I sitting in one of the slopes were frolicking with girls from Jared's Psychology class. There was a girl there, Charlotte, who was kneeling in front of me talking non-sense, and clearly by the way she frequently brushes parts of her body on mine, she wanted to have fun with me, and by fun I meant sex.

Who am I to say no to sex, right? So I played along. I used my sexy voice, batted my lashes and plainly touch her skin, sending her the clear message that I too wanted to fuck her.

And then here comes Bella and her friends.

She walked-by like there was suddenly a breeze of cool air whooshing in front of me. Even the guys felt it that we were all eyes on the three girls passing by. We might even have our jaws unhinged to the green ground.

I raised my hand inconspicuously, trying to have a subtle greeting to her by waving, I knew my smile were evident like the midday sun, I tried to get her attention; after all she scathed me, she should remember that night.

But she just passed and I would not bet that the glance she threw me could even say that she remembered me, or worse, recognized who I am. She walked by, turned her head slightly to my direction, ran her manicured nails on her sleek hair and then shook it wildly in the air, and then poof, they were gone before I could even catch a breath.

I felt like I was washed with cold water right in front of Charlotte and Jared who on his infinite pigheadedness commented something that sounded like "your girlfriend has forgotten you".

Shocked of how I was treated by a girl who should mean nothing to me but a piece of meat, I began to feel curious about her. And that would probably be the reason why I was this deeply and madly in love with her.

I started stalking her.

I followed her around the BA quadrangle, keeping my distance behind the unrelenting coming and going of hundreds of students. For almost two weeks of silently enjoying being just behind the curtain watching her every move, I learned that Bella spends most of her time talking, to her friends, laughing with that infectious jumpy guffaw, using her cell phone, an almost every hour trip to the washroom and non-stop fixing of her long shiny hair.

The guys were impressed on me of how I can actually focus my mind on something so irrelevant ditching them every so often just to follow Bella around. I missed most of my classes, spending most of my time outside Bella's classroom building so I could catch a glimpse of her when her classes finish. I have never been that foolish before, even when I was in love some so many years ago, I never ditch a class very often. I mean I was in the flunking group but I was trying, but that time that I spend almost all of my time in a mission probably worthless than a penny, I knew I would be repeating a year or two in my Masterals.

"Why don't you just grab her butt already?!" I remember Jared convincing me with a smack in the head as we watched Bella from a far. Well I could do that, why not, but what that would prove, that I am a 100% dickhead, just like Jared.

I rarely see Bella glance at me, I might even be just hallucinating that she was even looking at me. I felt rather pissed off but behind the annoyance I was having it felt like a fire was lit on inside of me that I began to feel that I wanted more of the elusive yet flamboyant girl.

That day in the central library, along with the guys, I was cramming to finish a term paper that was past due in my Ethics class. Bella walked in the aisle of the huge library just right beside where I sat. It was like a dream sequence, a slow motion where Bella and the girls blabbered as they make their way to the table a couple of tables away from us. An electric shock seemed to have traveled from her to me, the boasting scent of the air and a whiff of soothing cold yet warm to feel wind brushed my arm like a soft cloth or a lock of hair touched my arm, it was funny my arm were full of goose bumps.

Of course just like the many times I have seen Bella walked past me, she never glanced back, nor did she look straight in my direction as she sat directly in front of me with her purple flower decorated laptop. I could hear the annoying sound of Embry and Jared's voices teasing me to go ahead and approach Bella, but I seemed to have stiffened in my seat. I could not even remember what the fuck I was typing in my thesis.

And then Bella stood up walking straightly toward the stairs that leads to the second floor of the library. I seemed to have thawed from cryogenic sleep when I felt Seth pushed me to stand from my seat, "time for you to do something," I remember Seth muttering with his reassuring smile, "once and for all, so you can move the fuck on."

I still can't forget that it took me a few seconds before I could find my footing. I was so fucking messed up deep inside me that I have forgotten how to be a total fuckhead. I began walking toward where she went, and as I walked and walked a flare of hope seemed to have sparked making me determined to find Bella and finally make my move.

The second floor were full of old books, the old books that we no longer use yet can be a very helpful reference when asked about the histories and beginnings. I had no idea where Bella went, left or right, and I knew one wrong decision might end up not finding her at all. So after a very deep breath, I decided to turn right.

There were not much students in that area, I remember the books that were displayed in the centuries old bookshelves have dilapidated covers, hard bounds that were already shredding to pieces. I slowly scoured every aisle, the dimmer lights made it hard to recognize the students sitting on the carpeted floor.

I was almost to the end of the bookshelves and beginning to lose hope of finding her when I heard a soft voice behind me. "Why do you keep on following me?"

My breath took a notch up hearing the already familiar voice. I found Bella standing behind me with an old dusty book on one of her hand. Her other hand was playing on the edges of the old books on its shelf while she stood lousily in one foot.

I must have lost my tongue, I couldn't find any words to say, not only was it obvious to her that I was following her all the time, but because as often as I might have imagined talking to her once again, my mind went blank.

She snickered, shyly pulling her sight up and down my stiffed body, "Don't you have something to say to me?" She asked batting her glorious eyelashes; my world seemed to have come to a halt. I don't clearly remember the things that had transpired that very moment, and sometimes I wonder if that happened at all.

The next thing I know was my hands were all over her. In the corner of the dusty and poorly lit aisle, Bella had her hands on the bookshelf supporting her weight as I hungrily and probably even savagely fucked her under the air of dust motes and obsolete books.

I heard her not once but as many as I could count say my name slurring it between her moans. Our sweats joined together, sparks were flying inside of me, and as I think of that action I could not help think of the danger of being caught by the librarian in the most indecent position, we could have been in so much trouble.

There weren't any scathing that afternoon, and just as fast it started, it was finished before I knew it. I was expecting her to slow down for a moment, maybe sit in the corner and have a talk with me, I was so ready to tell her my feelings, bare her everything that was going on in my mind, but just as I was picking the shirt I was wearing from a distance, she walked past behind me without even a glance on me. She stopped alright, when I called her name in my most pleading voice that until now when I remember it I couldn't help feel a pinch in my heart that I have been so fucking crazy to feel obliged to plead her.

Yet she didn't turn around, I was left fucking high and dry in the corner, burning with anger and something else I couldn't fathom.

* * *

_*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._

_*Law and Economics from Wikipedia._


	10. Chapter 8 Melting like the Rain

**CHAPTER 8 – Melting like the Rain

* * *

**

"What have I ever done in my life to deserve such a cold shoulder?" I could not help mumbled as I made my way back to my seat. I walked past the table where Bella and her friends sat but I have not got in me any effort to look at them, I mean what's the point, it was clear like the summer sun; she is not interested in me.

I spent the rest of the afternoon under the tree outside the BA library, focusing my entire being on finishing the thesis, and by focusing I meant putting on my sun glasses, donning on a hat and turning on the volume of my iPod. I thought that would keep me away from remembering that just a few hours ago, I was fucking Bella in the library, and for a moment she seemed to liked it.

It could have been a joke of the so-called destiny, because just as I was finishing up my thesis, Bella emerged from the BA building just directly opposite the library, alone. She stopped on the steps of the stairs, looking directly where I am. And I thought I saw a smile on her lips, but because I didn't move a muscle to go and approach her, she turned around and walked away. What the hell was she thinking of me? I have my pride, and because she clearly didn't want to be attached to me, I thought "the hell I care".

I thought it was finished, that I have finally awoken from my insanity, Bella isn't for me. But that was before I awoke in the middle of the night finding Bella sitting on my bed.

She started crawling up in the bed until she was on top of me. Her forefinger was on top of my lips, preventing me from asking what the hell was she doing inside my room. I was only on my boxers, and just as I felt her center dropped on my stick, my body warmed up instantly waking up every single nerve I have.

She began pumping up and down, her hands wrapped on my messy hair. Her walls were so tight; my penis was feeling strangled making it bloat more in size. In just a few moments, I was swimming in arousal and total animalistic desire.

My hands went up and down her busy torso, guiding every movement she made so she'll be where she wanted to be. Her face were buried in my collar bone, I could loudly hear her moans and ecstatic words of affirmations. Her breath tickled my neck sending sparks all over my trembling body. The tip of her hair curled on my chest every time she moved adding sensations to my sensitive senses.

I knew it was wrong to just fuck someone, but what the hell am I suppose to do, turn my back on something so special? It's like asking a child not to eat ice cream.

She let herself fall beside me, silently asking me to go on top of her. I could feel her trembling breaths; her full breasts cushioned my body as I made my way to the heaven she was offering. My head thumps angrily, pumped with a rush of blood, I am feeling so utterly pissed that Bella was trying to play with me, and I knew I shouldn't care, it shouldn't matter because after all it was all I wanted in the first place. But every movement I made inside of her feeling the tight grip of her walls, I felt like I was getting deeper and deeper, and I wasn't talking about the sex; I feel I was falling into whatever trap she's putting.

My arms trembled as I support my weight when I finally came on top of her. My whole body spasmed and I could hear my own moans.

Bella wrapped her arm on my neck as I eased down to lie beside her. Her wrist smelled heavenly, something ambrosial I could not explain. She fingered the hair that had covered my face, slowly tucking it in my ears. My heart wouldn't want to silence up, it kept skipping as I silently lay on my side facing her, trying to memorize every detail of her face.

She had a small smile that was unearthly beautiful to the eyes, somewhat hypnotic, as her gaze followed her fingers tracing my eyes, nose and lips. Her touch was like cold knife, slicing, so cold yet painless and there seem to have flickers of energy radiating every movement of her fingers.

"Bella…" I was left with no choice but bathe on the soothing caresses she was making on face, but at the back of my mind, I wanted to scream "what the fuck!"

"Shh…"

She stopped moving her fingers and focused her sultry gazes on my eyes. She didn't speak and I could have been lost in the ocean of blankness had I not catch a breath.

"Don't do this…" I mumbled, so low I thought she didn't hear it.

She batted her lashes and pursed her red lips, but she still didn't say a word.

"You are driving me crazy…" I mumbled again with a huff ruffling my hair with a pull, "I don't have time for—"

My lips were instantly sealed with soft lips, preventing me from speaking any more words. Her soft lips trembled as both she and I savored a long wet kiss with occasional tongue twists. She fucking kiss like an angel.

I was the one who broke away from the kiss, holding her both the sides of her jaw, "Bella…let's talk…"

Talking while in bed was one of the sign I was losing my mind, but I really wanted it to end if it will end anyway. I didn't like how Bella was affecting me and my sanity, and if it will just come to an end like the one and only longest relationship my entire life, might as well not dwell and exert effort.

Her thumb traced the shape of my puckered lips, poking it nearly inside to touch my teeth. "Sleep…" she whispered.

But I hesitated, wrapping her hand away from my face. "I want to talk."

Her face became serious as she raked her already curled hair in her fingers.

"Bella…" I murmured softly trying to get her attention. I ran my fingers too in her hair feeling the softness against the curls. "Look at me, please…"

She smiled at me once again, easing near me. She put her head on the arm that I offered for her to lay, and as she played with the almost non-existent hair in my chest, she muttered at the crook of my neck, "I love you Edward, from the very first time I laid eyes on you."

I knew I slept with a fucking huge smile on my face, what's not to be happy about, I was skin to skin with Bella, naked once again in my bed.

But that was too good to be true.

I awoke with an annoying ray of sunlight directly on my eyelid. Half-blind, I slowly recalled everything that happened last night, ending it with a deep sigh. Yeah, it was all a fucking dream.

There I was sleeping like a fetus, with a pillow between my legs, all sticky and smelly from my orgasm last night. But I couldn't get mad and frustrated just like before, I ended up laughing my shit out actually, I was crazy, and I was happy because last night was too fucking real I feel like I am already connected to Bella. It didn't even matter to me that I've been fucking a pillow last night, dressed in all white, not to mention exchanging wet kisses.

But that didn't stop there.

It was like forever since that afternoon in the library, I didn't see her for so long, and though I knew she wasn't interested in being attached with me, her nightly visit in my room, in my bed made me feel like we knew each other, like I have made a profound connection with her. It wasn't just sex…well most of the time it was sex, but we talked, about a lot of things, things that I don't even know I could say or think.

I couldn't make myself continue stalking on Bella, after all what will I get, probably just a cold shoulder and allergic rhinitis. But that didn't mean I wasn't interested in her anymore. I knew I sounded like a spaz or totally crazy, and I probably am crazy just like the guys said, but I shit you not, my dreams, every night, seems so fucking real that I have already considered her my girlfriend.

But of course it wasn't true.

When one afternoon Seth came to tell me he saw Bella, I felt excited, but not until he told me he saw her with a guy from his college. I felt rather fed up of the real Bella, and started liking her when it was night time and time for my dreams again. I despised it but didn't think much about it because I have a better Bella.

Bewitched is an understatement. The guys knew better than mess up with me when I didn't have my dreams. I am a loser to everyone's eyes, my friends' eyes of course. They say I was so caught up with my non-existent relationship with my imaginary girlfriend that I was beginning to pass on a lot of hayrides, I began studying harder. I began to walk on straight and paved roads, as Embry calls them, finding myself as what I've hated to be, a straight, sensible and responsible guy. No one else but Seth enjoyed the new me. I focused myself on every task given to me by my professors, I have even begged for remedial classes just so as not to repeat a semester again, after all, I am in my masters degree and it would be so fucking embarrassing if I will keep on flunking. Oh what would my father say?

One day, I was having coffee time with Seth on Starbucks at Downtown Beach Residence trying to warm up from the blistering cold from the blizzard as we talked about his employment on my father's company. I was gobbling a huge muffin when all of a sudden I felt choke, I couldn't breathe.

Like everything else blurred around me, I couldn't see what was going on, because I was horse-focused on a tiny hole of a vision I was having directly in front of me.

Right outside the fogged glass window of Starbucks was Bella.

At first I was dimwittedly confused if I was just hallucinating again, considering it never happened before seeing her outside my bedroom, but then again, as my gaze broaden, I saw her sort of laughing, lolling her head back sort of catching the snow fiercely hitting her face. But she wasn't alone; her body was wrapped around the arms of a guy.

They were sort of destiny's joke, mashed up right in front of the coffee house for me to see. They started smooching, her face between the hands of that insanely lucky guy as he appeared to be stroking her cheeks amorously, like they were just in the middle of a dandelion field where all of the snowflakes flying around were just petals of the white flowers swirling around them. I shivered.

Seth was about to smack my nape, or he must have already did, because as his voice rung in my ears like an echo in a very long tunnel pulling me back to reality, everyone was looking at us, with the barista holding his phone on his ears. I have never been humiliated before.

When I've collected myself, I stormed outside finding Bella gone like swallowed whole by the ungodly weather. Seth reasoned with me asking me to wait for the storm to pass but I am already in too much anxiety that I ran toward what I thought they've gone, thinking Seth must thought I have clearly lost it. Well, I did.

I walked and ran unmindful of the splat of cold in my face until I found her, behind a glass wall, in what could be her house. She was still wrapped around the arms of that man, clearly lost on her emotions as she slowly moved sideways. It was obvious they were dancing on a tune I could not hear from outside, but it was clear to me that she has been crying and the guy was kind of appeasing her like a kid patting her back up and down. Bella's face were reddish, her eyes were closed obviously enjoying how he held her caressing the back of her head as she rested her face on the crook of his neck, holding one of his hand against his chest.

The piercing stab of the cold wind from the ocean just behind her house was nothing compared to the ripping feeling I felt inside my wholeness. I felt I was crying but my tears must have quickly frozen, my eyes stung.

I could not forget how weak I felt on that very moment, there was something inside of my body that felt constricted, my knees weakened and I felt I was withering. I was melting like the rain.

And then there was a heavy tap on my shoulder.

"What…the fuck…were you thinking?" Seth muttered exasperatedly. "Have you lost your fucking mind?"

Sometimes I really wonder if Seth was a gay.

He pulled me up through the collar of my damp jacket and that's when I realized I have slumped on a brick of snow along Bella's walkway.

"Do you have some kind of a death wish?" Seth exclaimed amid his usual preaching tone. That guy is fifty percent kind of like my father.

I did nothing but jumped my snowy lashes toward him and on to Bella's already fogging window. I don't even remember what I was thinking that very moment, all I know is that I could feel something constricted inside of me, or something pop inside like all my insides were swimming on my blood…I don't know.

Seth tugged me forcibly away from the house, hastening his steps against the unforgiving blizzard.

My face was already numb, and if not for the tiny specks of snow getting on my eyelids, I wouldn't even feel the cold. My ears buzzed insanely, both from the loud whoosh of the wind and Seth's voice rising over the deafening storm.

"You've pulled so many stupid acts Edward," he began his resounding speech. "But this one by far is the most insane… She's not yours man!"

That was the start of a very long speech Seth made back then, it didn't end even when I was already inside the Volvo shaking crazily from cold.

He spoke of a lot of things that I actually knew already. Things like I am crazy over Bella and my non-existent relationship with her that I was ready to face dangers with no apparent and justifiable reason at all. I knew he was worried about me that something bad could have happened to me…both from the storm and maybe from that guy who was so fucking lucky holding Bella like that. But the moment I kind of like thawed finally, the words coming out of his mouth were finally able to reach my already functioning brain.

Seth had always been sympathetic of my flaws, even those I claimed to be my strength; he had always backed me up and supported me no matter how improbable my success on something was…no matter how impossible my thoughts were. And at that moment, I saw how worried he was with me, even worse than when I had an incident of smashing faces back in high school that I almost had a trip to the reconstructive surgeon.

His puppy eyes almost appeared huge back drafted with his tawny skin, his usual neatly fixed hair were tousled in to a mess, flakes of snow stood out against his dark hair, and by the looks of it, he was in the brink of crying, and not from being weak…though Seth had always been unforthcoming and clammed up he was never weak…he was fuming from anger that his face almost appeared to be darker.

Against the hum of the heater of the Volvo he stuttered in explaining to me how my insanity would cause me my life, again. And I say again because the last time he used the words insanity and my life in one sentence was when I had my very first broken heart that I went to lengths that almost claimed my life. With Jessica.

Nonetheless, we walked or rather drove away the Strip on Bella's area as we were when we arrived, friends. Seth was still the same Seth he was, rarely talks and just listens but I was one percent stripped-off of myself.

It hurt so bad realizing that the reason I was just a fling to Bella was because she has someone. And now as I remember how I felt that afternoon, I could not help think of all the girls I dated, and how they must have felt that I just used them.

Bella didn't come that night in my room; my imaginary Bella, that is.

There was never a night I didn't drink for a week. I was so devastated that I didn't even want to go down and eat. I avoided the guys, afraid and ashamed at the same time. I knew they would just mock me for acting such a loser just because the girl I wanted was already taken…and that the girl I presumed my nightly companion was indeed and in fact just an imagination.

I awoke each night facing the side of the bed where Bella would always show herself to me, my hand extended to the pillow on it, expecting that the moment she showed up I'd feel her and we'll talk again and everything will be alright. I totally lost it, swapping my dreams to what is the reality.

My mind refused to accept that my dreams ended along with the reality that Bella wasn't mine. I swam and linger on the ocean of misery I plunged myself into, not knowing how to rise up against it. Lame.

Had it not for Jared's annoying visit in my house that Friday night inviting me to a wedding party of his grand-parents, I would have not survived another blow in my almost non-existent love life.

"Golden wedding anniversary," I said affably, breathing the fresh air of melted snow. "I never heard anyone get to 50 years of marriage."

I was trying to be polite on an agitated Jared, annoyed that he was wearing a white suit and would be walking on an aisle of damp grass. The ceremony of renewing vows passed in a blur, I didn't even realized that the sun had already set and everyone was inside the bricked party hall enjoying the cake and the sumptuous dinner the family's couple prepared for the guests.

You wouldn't believe, but I was still sitting on one of the white cushioned chair wrapped with gold ribbons and deep yellow flowers that looked like azaleas from my mother's garden. Under the veil of silver lights and fluffy clouds clasping a glass of red wine, I gazed absently on the gazebo where the wedding vows were made. The white satin that covered the seats of the couple flapped graciously with the soft breeze lingering around.

I was like in a different world, shunned the reality with a picture that was nothing but a product of my imagination and hurt feelings. There wasn't a moment in my life now that I never thought of that instant when a flicker of hope from my vanished self esteem lit up and pulled me up my seat to lead me in one place I'd find my happiness. Number 17, Sunset Drive, The Beach Residence.

The heavens have started drizzling as I hesitatingly walked from where I parked the car, a few meters off-sight from Bella's place. The bricked snaking walkway toward the front lawn was illuminated with yellow light coming from the glass walls of her house with all her curtains pulled in the side. I could see the whole of her living room bared from the comfort of the curtains. I suddenly felt…coward. What if that guy was there again? Would I be able to…face him or them, with myself and the bunch of roses I was holding?

I have been in the cave of misery for the last week and I have not got in me any esteem to pull any catchy moves with just a smirk. I decided to walk past the house, my body stiffly forward while my eyes strained from having to pull them to the side to assess the situation. I was acting like a total moron. Seeing nothing and no one, not even a slightest hint that there was anybody at all inside, I wearily crossed the street and settled under a canopy of a huge tree, just right across her house.

Thankfully, the tip of the light coming from her house did not extend to where I was sitting, at the bark of the tree, I must have look like a criminal hiding in the dark. I was borderline quitting when she finally came out her living room, walking back and forth like she was trying to find something. The glass was already frosted from the rain and it must have been forever when I finally found the courage the walk toward her house.

Seeing her as she open her door with those huge surprised green eyes was like a whiff of cold air in a warm summer night. All the darkness I was lurking into seemed to have instantaneously disappeared, like the bright and gleaming aura of Bella chased the darkness away.

She was clad in just a white tank top paired with black very short shorts, her hair was wrapped around her head with what looked like chopsticks and though she looked surprised her face couldn't hide the fact that she was worried and maybe a little sick. She was pale, beads of sweat ran the sides of her face, and her neck glimmered from the moisture coming out her skin.

She asked me what I am doing there, eyeing the roses in my hands, my dripping hair and my awfully wet long sleeves. Her voice sounded jittery and shaky, and lacked the luster I so often associated with her vivacity.

Giving her the roses awkwardly the moment I found the urge to, I stuttered in telling her I just wanted to talk…like it was my first time giving roses to a girl. I was so nervous. With a rather obvious grunt, she let me in. I remember thinking I was so lame for trying to get through Bella who is clearly not interested with me; with an awkward smile, stepped on ego, a bunch of flowers and good intentions as my weapons.

It was hot inside her house, warm I should say considering I was quivering from the cold rain outside. In her living room, I could hardly see the tree I sat on across the street, thanks to the fog that covered her glass walls.

Bella let me sit, asking me for something to drink but dashing out the room before I could even speak. She came back a few minutes after with a towel in her hand and two cans of coke in the other. She sat in front of me as I tried to dry myself with the towel she offered.

She was silent, awfully silent than how I knew her, both from reality and from my after dark world. She was eyeing the roses she had put down the dark glass center table, her crossed legs bouncing relentlessly. Obviously agitated. Her breaths were heavy and she kept on pursing her lips.

I am not a total fool not to notice that I wasn't actually welcome, so the minute I was done with the towel, I handed it to her and then stood up, hesitatingly bidding her goodbye.

"You came just to borrow a towel?"

I will never forget that voice that was so shaky yet fierce it could actually break my mother's china. I was in no time sitting again on her suede blue couch leaning toward her feeling worried on how she sounded. I noticed she was fiddling a tiny yellow bottle on her right hand, capsules. I may have never tried doing illegal drugs in my entire life, but I was no stranger to what appear to be one. I mean, it could have been just a usual medication, but with how Bella was acting strangely that night, I was undoubtedly thinking she was doing drugs.

I don't remember clearly if I spoke what I was thinking or she just read my suspicions in my face, because the next thing I knew the yellow bottle flew in the air and landed beside me in the couch.

"Anti-depressant…that's all." She murmured shrugging her tiny and bony shoulders. Her eyes bore the embarrassment she must have been feeling.

Feeling utterly ashamed of how I must have acted, I paced toward her bringing the plastic bottle with me. "I…Bella…I didn't mean to…I am sorry."

As far as I can remember I was not able to express how deeply sorry I am for inadvertently prying on her personal life. Between frequent restless movements of her thighs, she explained briefly that she was under medication against depression.

My little angel was depressed. Who would have thought?

She was so brave to admit to me that she was taking prescription pills; most people I know who take those kinds of medicines would not even admit to themselves that they have a medical condition.

"Now…tell me again why you're here?" She muttered, obviously trying to pry the attention away from her. "Something to do with the flowers, they're beautiful."

* * *

_*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._


	11. Chapter 9 Ask Me Not

**CHAPTER 9 – Ask Me Not**

* * *

'Unfathomable beauty', my mind involuntarily murmured. I felt a hand slowly snaked through the inside of my thigh toward the bulk of my front followed by a soft snicker almost vibrating at the base of my neck.

"What did you say?"

I instinctively fluttered my eyes and looked around me like a total idiot, realizing shortly that I was inside the lunchroom having lunch with Bella's friends who looked like having fun frolicking with my weird friends, Jared and Embry. Hah, who would have thought they have something in common?

Bella tightened her grasp on my screaming manhood that is thankfully hidden under my very thick denim jeans. Her warm breath tickled the back of my ear as she giggled again while she whispered ever so softly, "Hey, what are you talking about?"

Turning my head toward her at my side, I met her fluttering green eyes too close to mine, it was dull and restless and seemed to be wandering and for a moment she looked…bewildered, distant even. I was about to ask her if she'd already taken her medications when I caught sight of the yellow bottle she was clasping in her other hand, twirling it from time to time between her fingers.

And then she nuzzled her face against the stubble on my chin like a cat purring at her owner's legs. "Tell me what you're thinking", she mumbled, grazing the insides of my thigh with the hand that was under the table. I could feel the thump of my dick, enjoying the sensation her hand was giving me, and I found myself heaving for breath to calm my nerves. I am far too old to lose my nuts in front of all these college girls; I am done with that part of my life.

Settling my stiff back in the backrest of the cheap canteen chair, I rounded my arm around her shoulder pulling her down beside me. "Nothing," I started as I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. I felt like this revisiting of the past has given me a lot of mixed emotions, and right now, I am horny as hell, and I can't even fuck her here. "I was just thinking of that night I went to your apartment, clutching the wilted flower, soaking from rain." I softly whispered in her ear as I pulled her head closer to my lips, kissing her hair afterward as I bathe my senses of her scent.

I thought of the first words that came to my mind, I must have been whispering them a while ago, "I said…unfathomable beauty." I mumbled, running the tips of my fingers along the side of her arm, she felt a little warm.

She nuzzled even further, almost in my chest, trembling from her soft laughter drowned against my chest. She must have remembered what I was talking about.

"God I was a mess that night." She said as she pulled her face, colored in shame.

I was quick to run the back of my fingers lightly on top of her face, trying to dispel the feeling of embarrassment she's feeling. "Hey," I whispered, taken aback by her sudden movement, "you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met—"

"I was shabby then," She insisted cocking her head as she rolled her eyes.

'You're stubborn, alright,' I thought silently, smiling at how cute she is when she's being difficult. "No, you're cool, unkempt but cool." I said, pinching the tip of her nose. She pouted her lips, those lips I so wanted to trap with mine, but all I could do is put a little smack on it, earning a roll of the devilish eyes of Jane who in my periphery kept on checking us. What a bitch.

Bella let out a soft groan when I pulled away quickly from her lips, easing her body even closer to mine, her hand under the table, became ardent palming the inside of my thigh. I wonder how long I could take this teasing. She snickered once more, "you said…these fucking flowers have unfathomable beauty, they captivated me, like you."

I snorted, remembering the almost exact words that came out of my mouth that night, I couldn't help feel awed that Bella even remembered them right to the very cuss I inserted. "Unfathomable beauty…even until now." I murmured, snaking my other hand under the veil of her long hair to her nape to pull her head closer to mine. I was just going to nestle on her face, I like rubbing my face on hers, but she hungrily trapped my lips with hers, diving right inside my mouth.

For a moment, the image of the yellow medicine bottle flashed in my mind, and I wondered, what the fuck has she taken again. And by the devil's grace, Jane needed to clear her throat. Bella giggled on top of my lips as she kept on biting her own lips making me lust for her even more. I have enclosed her in my embrace, my hands clasped on the back of the soft fabric of her blouse, acquainting my senses of the curves of her body.

And by the second time Jane cleared her throat, Bella pulled her face completely away from mine. I couldn't do anything but expel air loudly as I trap my face between my hands. I really don't want to clash with Jane, please, not right now. Bella's hushed voice made me peek through my laced fingers and I was just in time to see Jane's blue eyes shriek silently onto Bella with what read to me as 'what the hell?'

I managed to clear my throat with my hand covering my mouth. I saw Bella inconspicuously raised her eyebrow on Jane, clucking her tongue. I have no idea what the hell were they talking about but I am not an idiot to not notice that, Jane the bitch she is, does not feel comfortable seeing Bella and I frolic in front of them. What the hell, why don't she just hump Jared beside her?

As the bell rang, I sullenly stood up, picking Bella's books propped in the empty chair beside her. Bella wrapped her arms around me…for a moment, and then murmured, "I'll go ahead with the girls, pick me up in my class later?" I opened my mouth to contend, I really wanted to walk her in her class, I rarely do that nowadays, but she was quick to wink on me, yanking her books from my hand as she mouthed "later," wagging her face nearest to mine.

Before I could say anything else, she had strut her butt away with her evil friends leaving nothing but her scent lingering in the air and the blank stares of my two fucker friends burning me in hell. With heavy shoulders as if I was defeated, I picked my backpack from the floor, eyeing both Jared and Embry with much defiance, "what?"

They both shook their heads, Embry's face was a picture of amusement, I have no idea why, while Jared's colored with something else, disbelief, probably. Hmm, I don't even want to think of the possible reasons this time. Shrugging, I turned about to head to my class, "later fuckers," I mumbled enthusiastically. Shuffling of feet and noisy chairs followed, but I did not waste my time looking back on them.

* * *

By sun down, I was sitting next to the colossal baluster that is a Roman column outside Bella's building, at the stairs where I bathe myself with the amber color of the sky ushering the exit of the sun. Different faces weaved through around me. Their voices echoed behind me where a huge hall was, where students from College of Business Admin often stayed even after their classes, sort of a hang out.

With just a few more months before graduation, I couldn't help feel a little sad, that after a very long year studying in just one school since pre-kindergarten, this school has been my second home. I have a lot of memories in it, a lot of things that happened to my life which are the very reason why I am who I am right now.

My eyes skimmed through the thick canopy of the century old trees in the lawn in front of the BA building. Amid the coming and going of students in the fast darkening lawn, I could still see the mossy roof of the four storey High school department, a few meters behind the huge trees. I couldn't help feel a light prick inside my chest.

High school, I am way too far from it, and I am a few more steps near my happy ending. A sigh broke out my half opened lips but was cut short when I heard loud guffaws behind me, the laughter I was so familiar with I would have known it even in my sleep. I twisted in my seat to see that Bella still with Jane and Leah was bouncing like a child in the corridor leading outside the hall. The bangs of her long hair wandered in her face no matter how many times she pulls it behind her ear. She's getting impatient, I could tell.

The two other girls didn't even glance at me when they finally walked past me, I was actually wearing a smug smile standing awkwardly as I dust my butt for invisible dirt, but I just shrugged, I figured it would be best if they, especially Jane doesn't talk at all, saves me from ranting over her bitchiness.

We walked hand in hand down the ten plus stairs, for a moment I wondered, how many steps really is there in this building, hah, after over 7 years of going back and forth this old piece of architecture, I never really paid so much attention on little things like this.

"There was this guy…and I was like, duh, and Leah was like…no Bella he's cute, and Jane was like….god Leah you're so lame, and I was like, shut up Jane…and she was—" Bella blabbered incessantly with a jumpy voice, I couldn't actually understand what we are talking about, what with me trying to count the stairs' steps and with her usual bouncy girly blabbering. But I nodded enthusiastically, paying her tentative looks as I managed counting 15 steps while I juggled to not to trip with Bella in my arms walking like those robotic models in the runway, not paying attention in the steps.

She talked and talked between her giggles as we made our way to my car parked at the back of the building, now I was able to catch minutely that she was talking about the student assistant in the library. The dimness of the early night did not hide the glow on Bella's face, her eyes twinkled from the muted light coming from the century old lampposts that adorned the brick pavement every half a meter.

She was happy, no, she was ecstatic, overly excited.

I don't know if I was even able to say a single word. She was talking relentlessly, and by the time we arrived in her apartment after 30 minutes of driving along the early night rush hour, she was already ranting about something that her father wanted her to do.

In less than forty five minutes that we were together, she circled from being overly eager, bouncing, excited and now to angry and depressed. I couldn't understand what was going on. She didn't even care explaining to me what the deal with his father was, she was too distraught to tell me, throwing her books in the couch at the living room, just right after the door.

In two years of being with Bella, I learned that it's best to just let some things slip through our conversation without paying too much attention to it. Well, my girl talks like 100 words per minute, and if I were to understand every word she says, and dissect every meaning of it, I will definitely be screaming jumping out her window. Sometimes it's really too much to take, but I love her, if a listening ear is what she wants, I have two listening ears ready for her.

It has been a while since I last set foot in this house, and there was this unfamiliar feeling that was seething in my very soul, alienation, perhaps. I sank in the middle of her couch, tossing her scattered books at the far end. She grabbed her chopsticks placed in the brown center table and twirled her hair before she held it in place behind her head with the sticks. I just watched in astonishment.

She paced back and forth and up and down her room, changing her clothes and then later holding a yellow pages book looking for something to eat. The whole time we waited for the delivery of food to arrive, she was non-stop in going back and forth like she's looking for something. I watched her pretending I was casually flipping channels in her television as she removed the books from the couch, went upstairs probably in her room and then came back to fix the upholstery of the couch, and then paced to the kitchen, plates and utensils banging at each other, walked back to the living room and then back to her room.

I was beginning to feel tired, and I was not even moving from the couch.

I watched her in silence as we ate the Chinese food she ordered. Grey's Anatomy was playing in the television, Bella's eyes were glued on it, and she barely chews her food. I feel like a statue placed in an empty room, no one's paying attention.

And then as I tried and scrape the remains of my awesome Chinese rice, I about choked when Bella suddenly broke into sobbing. At first I felt stiff, calculating her and her emotions; she breaks into tears from time to time and this moment is not new to me. I averted my eyes from her to the television; it must be what's in it that is making her sad. I waited for a million second, hesitating, not knowing if I should butt in, but then again, she wept. I guess it's time for me to play Knight.

I dropped my box of Chinese in the center table, heaving up a lungful of air and then scooted beside her. The first thing I did was tuck a wayward hair back to her ear, and the first thing I noticed way past the tears that have already stained her cheeks was her blank stare towards the tv. It's like she's there, but she's not, and I may be wrong but I think it wasn't the heart wrenching struggle of the teenager in the television that was making her all weepy.

It's like I woke her up from a tentative sleep the second I tugged her chin to face me. I heard her let out a startled gasp and then beads of tears that have pooled in the brink of her eyes rolled down again like diamonds glistening from the flickers of the tv.

"Hey…" I whispered with a croak, "…everything alright?"

I wanted to ask her a lot of questions, heck I wanted to pick a fight actually, but we just made up this morning, and if I wanted her to be my wife, I shouldn't be dwelling in this sort of misery that was eating me. I felt my throat dried up, the diamond ring in the pocket of my jeans seemed to heat up and thump.

Bella smiled sourly, sweeping a blur look in my eyes. She rarely locked gaze with me either. "I'm fine," she murmured, wrapping her neck with her hand for a quick massage. "It's the pill, it's losing it's power." With a heavy sigh, I pulled her slowly toward me, pulling her hand from her neck only to replace it with mine. I heard her groan the moment I started massaging the back of her neck, she lolled her head back as she had closed her eyes savoring the soothing comfort of my touch, perhaps.

"You know," I hesitated for moment, thinking of the right way to put my thoughts into words, but then again, there isn't any other way to say it, so fuck it. "Have you…asked your psychologist about the pills you're taking?"

Bella groaned some more, if from frustration from what I am saying or from the electricity of my touch that has now crawled from her stiff neck to her tense shoulders, I have no idea. But she didn't say a word, so I figured I'd rather continue than keep this thought hanging, after all I am just looking after her health.

"I mean…you barely function through your own capacity, you always need something to light you up…or put you off…" I've let my last words wander a bit, I didn't even realize I've got no other words to say after that. I have never questioned Bella with her anti-depressants ever since, but lately I've been worried because she's been acting kind of erratic and inexplicable. And I know the pills she'd been taking so very often have something to do with it. I don't even have any idea what those pills are called, all I know was she's under medication from depression.

"I'm alright…just don't leave me…"

I dropped my hands grazing on the soft skin of her bare arms, "see," I smiled poorly, "you've been acting strange for the past months, you—"

She turned her body toward me, her face lit up a bit, and her lips curled into a familiar happy smile, if not for the bleak stare coming from her spark-less eyes I would have thought she's really happy at the moment. "You love me, I know that," she murmured looking straightly at my lips with her forefinger tracing it's shape, "and I love you and owe you a lot for staying beside me all the time."

I opened my mouth to try and say something, looking fervently in her unreadable face expression, but then she pressed her finger harder on my lips. "I don't know what to do…" she mumbled, her soft voice almost faltered, "I mean, I know what to do, but…I am so fucking…scared."

At that very moment, I was not able to resist myself from grabbing the hand that was restraining me to talk; I wrapped it on my own and pulled her chin up and search for those green eyes that I have always loved to read. She blinked, profusely.

"I'm here…I won't leave you." I said with a definite tone.

With a smile, Bella roamed her eyes once more away from my stare and let it jump from anywhere within my face but my eyes.

After an intake of air, I slowly pressed my lips over hers. She didn't move for a second but I didn't give up, after two or three light kisses on her closed mouth, I angled my head to be able to open her mouth with one long wet and passionate kiss.

Before long, I felt Bella's fingers wrapped in the strands of my long hair, her head tilted too in a manner that I will be able to reach the deepest part of her mouth and savor the kiss that has long been absent in our relationship.

I was in fire in no time.

Bella whimpered inside my mouth, our tongues danced together in a rhythm so passionate I'd be exploding in no time if I wasn't careful. I pulled her towards me letting her straddle in front of me. The room was filled with chaotic screams coming from the television but I was drowning only in the sweet hum of pleasure coming from Bella's throat.

I felt her tugged my hair harder as I begun nuzzling in the crevice of her throat then let my mouth wander across her neck, planting wet kisses and occasional licks in her sweet smelling skin.

"Edward…"

Out of human instinct, horny human instinct, I pulled her t-shirt hastily and immediately rewarded by perky boobs naughtily jutted for me to suck. So I did. Bella let out a very long sigh as I mashed her breast with my free hand as the other hand was busy palming her butt cheek already half exposed from her very short shorts all the while hungrily twirling her other breast in my very ardent and angry mouth.

I could feel my fucking penis hardened as a rock, Bella's body rocked suggestively down my front, and though I was clothed as a Knight in steel armor, I could still feel that her center had already been moist and warmed up.

With one swift motion, I stood up from the couch holding both the cheeks of her butt and started my way toward the stairs. I have no idea how was I able to manage making steps on a very high ladder toward Bella's room, but with occasional out of balance and several warnings from tripping, the next thing I know Bella was propped up in the edge of her bed, both her legs still wrapped around my torso.

There was a yellow glow coming from a bedside lamp in her room that was painted in sky blue. The windows are open causing tiny wisps of wind to blow the curtains draping down the huge windows. Bella's eyes were wary but they are looking at me at the very moment, and I found myself lost in the sea of her unreadable thoughts.

I felt her hands snaked toward the hem of my shirt and as she began tugging it up my head, she murmured something that sounded so familiar yet so strange. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me," she paused, letting me slide the shirt out of my head, and with shaky cold hands running to the tensed muscles of my front she continued, "I'd gladly give you my everything if it would mean you happiness."

My breath turned a little heavy but before I could speak, she had already wrapped my nape with her hands and pulled me toward her for a kiss. And who am I to resist my girl who is all too willing to make love to me right now.

Ripples of pleasure ran down my spine as I felt her breasts poked my chest, her moans were drowned inside my mouth as I pleasurably turned my head side to side to be able to deepen my fervent kisses. Her hands jumped in no time down the buckle of my jeans and started pulling it down.

I felt her frustration while I nuzzled in her neck so I hesitantly pulled away from her for a moment to take the fucking jeans off my body. Bella scooted toward the headboard of her bed, and as I was busy pulling my pants off I saw her in my periphery opening the top drawer of her bedside table.

My mouth was hanging open as I focused on that thing that she took from the drawer, a yellow bottle. Not another pill. She smiled at me and for a moment she looked like someone from a distant past with that innocent and angelic smile that often takes my breath a few notches up.

"Honey…" I muttered with a hint of foreboding.

She extended her hand toward me urging me to come closer her, and as I did, she twisted the cap and pour out a white pill onto her hand before she hurriedly put the container back in her drawer.

"No Bella."

She tilted her head momentarily giving me a sulky look and then laid down to remove her shorts together with her underwear in one quick motion. I knew I had my jaw unhinged down to the bed especially because she threw her underwear right at my face, snickering afterward. I quickly moved closer to her like a hungry predator making her laugh naughtily but before I could even trap her nakedness with mine, she thrust the hand holding the pill toward my chest.

"Come on Baby…"

I could feel her warm breath hitting my flushed face; my penis thumped in agony feeling the skin of her body brushed on its tip. "What is this?" I managed to ask before I swallowed the pill with closed eyes, but before I heard her reply my lips were already between her warm kisses, my body on top of her.

"That's E, for Edward," she giggled.

Fighting the urge to spit out the drug I just ingested, I broke free from her kisses and started licking her neck. My hands quickly grabbed both her breasts and mashed them like they were stuffed animals. My head feels like exploding, from my apparent arousal or from the pill I just took I have no fucking idea. I felt both her legs locked behind my back, her hands gripped my hair so hard the pain almost felt so fucking sweet.

I have never taken drugs before, and I have no idea if that fucking ecstasy pill affects its users right away. I felt so warm, I felt so fucking alive. But at the back of my mind I was thinking, this might be because I have missed making love with Bella. I won't be letting this drug take over me.

I guided myself down her navel until I reached that warm opening between her legs, and yes it was warm and wet and fucking inviting. My lips trembled and as I slowly dipped my lips into her piece of heaven, my head swiveled like crazy tasting her sweet juices spilling out of her tunnel.

Did I say the pain in my head from Bella's manic pulling of my hair felt so sweet? Almost as sweet as the taste of her womanhood.

"Edward…"

I heard her moan loudly, my name never sounded that long before. Bella pulled one of my hand that was clawed in her fleshy butt and guided it toward her wet center. I slid a finger and then two and synced the movement in and out of her with the movement my tongue made on top of her swollen vagina.

Oh it felt so fucking good, she felt so fucking good.

My head circled in pleasure as I felt her walls tightened, I thrust my tongue harder on her clit and my fingers deeper inside of her, until I felt her quivered and pushed me away from her. But I was too fucking horny, and I know she doesn't want me touching her after her orgasm, but, "I want to fucking feel you warm and quivering," I mumbled with throaty voice.

She cried loudly as I plunged my angry length all inside her in one quick motion. It was too slick and warm, the moisture that had pooled inside her tickled every inch of my penis sending me to the pits of hell, or heaven, yes heaven.

Bella tried pushing me, her moans of pleasure varied from giggles and curse and grunting and moaning. It was so sexy it's like pouring me more fuel to burn. My hands clasped both her hands up her head, forbidding her from pushing me.

I made sure every jab inside her reached the end of her womanhood, if that was her uterus already I don't care in this very moment, but the feeling of the end of her tunnel gives the head of my dick some pleasure a hand job alone couldn't give. My huge penis felt even more humongous and crazily thumping from ecstasy, yes, the feeling and the pill, perhaps.

"Oh my God…"

Bella must have said those words a thousand times, her screams of pleasure bounces in the four corners of her room disappearing near the windows only to be replaced by another more fervent and pronounced moan. I pulled my whole length out only to slide it thoroughly inside her, and that thing made Bella crazy.

I could feel her fingers nailed in the flesh of my hands, her splayed legs locked on top of my rocking butt as I let other parts of my body rubbed on everything Bella. I don't want this to end, I feel like I could do this the whole night. I want to make love to her over and over, I want to feel her inside quiver and tighten on my angry penis, like now, and oh…

It's like there was a vein inside of me that snapped, I heard myself scream as I spilled warm moisture on top of Bella's vagina, I came and it was so fucking epic, my head spun crazily as I let go of Bella's hands to finish thrusting my sticky length.

I heard Bella snickered as she playfully tousled the length of my hair. "Isn't it great?"

"No," I mumbled turning to the bed beside her, "you are great."

She eased herself nearer me, pulling my arm under her head and then nuzzling in my neck. I pulled her closer to me, her body felt so soft against my built; her warm breaths tickled my neck, her fingers ran up and down my chest drawing circles.

"I love you Edward."

There was something inside of me that swells even more than my desire to make love with her, God I love this girl so much, "I love you so much," I mumbled to her hair as I kissed her running my fingers on her now very much tangled hair.

Not a few seconds later, she was gone in the oblivion of sleep, and her soft snore was the only thing that could be heard in the room that was burning in fire just a while ago. And I am still so fucking horny. I slid my arm from behind her head and tried to snuggle nearer her face. I planted soft kisses on her nose and then her lips, I wanted so badly to wake her up again, I wanted to fuck her again.

But she was no doubt, in deep slumber. Hah! Her pills must have worn off…and mine is just kicking off. Fuck my life.

With nothing to do but try and don't give in with the effects of whatever that ecstasy drug is giving me, I went to the bathroom and drank a lot of water, all that my gut can take, and then puked everything out. I felt a little better but I know the agony of the night isn't even starting yet.

Putting my boxers and shirt on, the glimmer from the moon seeping through the thin fabric of the curtains invited me toward the window. It was a cloudless night, the moon was round and shining in the middle of the sky and the gust of wind gave me such tranquility against having the feeling of agitation from the pill.

I was enjoying the cold air hitting my face, heaving so very often for air to relax my nerves. The silhouette of the twigs of the distant trees in front of Bella's house danced eerily under the bright light of the moon, just as the curtains curled behind me from the wisps of the wind.

There was a feeling of something amiss that suddenly came over me. Looking once again in the boasting ball of light in the gray sky, I found myself tracing the light it cast toward the room until my eyes landed on Bella's sleeping figure. My heart skipped a beat, realizing I was actually thinking of that nightly visit from my imaginary girlfriend some couples years back.

A wave of something I can't call grim rippled through my skin. Since I have bought the ring for Bella, revisiting of the past made me remember a lot of things that had happened a long time ago. A tearless sob suddenly came out of my mouth, realizing the reason for it, I started toward the sliding doors. That scent of something sweet and quite inexplicable hovered around me. Flowers…perfume? Where is it coming from?

Like a total lunatic hypnotized by something I couldn't fathom what, my hand instantaneously found the latch that was holding the sliding doors closed. Somewhere in my head, images of vague pictures started flickering. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes, trying so hard to reach that insane memory rooted so ridiculously deep inside my sanity, and…aha!

A smile broke off my face, I knew it! That was the scent of the air when I first met Bella! The sudden realization made me excited as I clicked the latch open and found my footing in the balcony lit only by the glow of the moon. I was standing in my mother's little garden when I smelled that scent, there could be a flower—

"No! Don't go…"

A sudden shriek made me froze mid-stride. A momentary calculation made me gasped and turned about as fast as I could; it made me dizzy. As I have expected, it was Bella who howled, the sleeping Bella, of course. I rushed toward her, realizing she's a having a nightmare. She was quivering, and against the dull lighting of the room, I could see that moisture was running down her cheeks, she was crying in her sleep.

"I don't…want this!" She gritted.

I was stiff for a moment.

After a few seconds of silence that I thought her dream was over, she turned her body from lying on her side, and then she started sobbing, "Don't leave me…please."

I felt thousands of needles pricking inside me. My hand slowly grazed on her tear soaked face, lightly tapping her to wake up. I have no idea what was going on inside my girl's head, but one thing I am sure, she doesn't want to be alone.

A loud gasp came out of her parted lips as she awoke from her dream, and like a child, she clasped my arms dragging me down the bed. "Are you okay?" I murmured, my lips grazing her tortured face. I couldn't help myself from planting wet kisses even though she kept on pulling her face away from me. What is wrong with me?

She smiled weakly, holding both the sides of my face, "hold me to sleep, please?"

"Can we…" I trailed just as one of my hands made a trail under the blanket onto her still naked body. I am still horny, and God knows I wanted to make love with her even though she appeared to be of not in her proper senses.

Bella planted a kiss on my lips, smiling as she did, "I am…tired…?" she mumbled, putting a hint that she was unsure if she used the right word. And she was right; I could see it in her dull and fluttering eyes that she is indeed exhausted. All these drugs that made you up and running are bound to wear off, right?

I stared blankly in the bluish ceiling on top of us. Bubbles of thoughts started coming out of my idle brain, 'I don't believe in love until I met you. I don't believe in love until I am with you.' I wanted to stay awake, watch her lost in sleep once more as she twitched like she was murmuring something. I was wondering if she was dreaming again, or if she's dreaming about me at all, I hope so. I missed moments with my girl and I really don't want to miss any minute with her from sleep.

But sleep was just around the corner.

_

* * *

*__For disclaimer, please read Preface._


End file.
